elsas new moon
by elsannafan55
Summary: alot of people asked me to make a new moon in Elsa pov explaining what was going on in her head and what she was doing when not with Anna so here it is new moon in Elsa pov
1. preface

We made no sound as we walked across the cobblestones in the moonlight. The two vampires on either side of me were filled with questions, but neither spoke.

How does she stomach animal blood? Why bother?

I hope she puts up a fight...an easy kill would be boring. She doesn't look like much, maybe she's fast?

Neither one knew what my fate would be. The Volturi had made their decision alone, wanting to surprise me with their verdict. Apparently their power came with a healthy dose of pride and arrogance.

"She should be here momentarily."Aro's voice echoed in Caius's ears.I assume that you are in range by now, my young friend.

I scanned the other minds present, looking for clues as to my future, but Caius was guarding his thoughts as well. The white haired ancient was looking at Jane.We should let her have some fun with this one,he thought, and he remembered how the last vampire she'd tortured writhed and screamed.

I should have been afraid, knowing that I was facing the sadistic young girl, but if it led to my demise, I didn't really care. I deserved nothing less. Anna was dead because of me. Physical pain would just disappear into the void created by her loss.

Only the end result mattered to me - that I became a smoking pile of ash.

Felix opened the golden door before me, and I calmly stepped forward to meet my fate.


	2. birthday

She'll be here soon, Alice thought, and bounced on her toes excitedly. On yet another dreary day we stood in the parking lot of Forks High School, waiting for an equally dreary set of lectures. I didn't share the excitement of graduating that the other seniors in the school did, probably because I'd already done it a dozen times. This year was different, though, for one reason: Anna Winters.

She'd turned my entire existence upside down when she'd come to Forks, unaffected by the fear I inspired in other humans. Instead of screaming and running from me, a murderous creature of myth, she was inconceivably drawn to my side, to my ice cold touch, not shrinking away even when she learned what I really was. Her calm response to my admission of being a vampire still stunned me. The words still echoed in my mind,"It doesn't matter."

"Hi, Alice," Angela Weber called as her boyfriend, Ben Cheney took her arm and escorted her toward the buildings.She looks happy today, even more than usual,she thought, and smiled back. Angela had accepted Alice and me almost as easily as Anna had; only increasing my admiration for her. Though she sensed the danger we presented, Angela was not one to judge or condemn. She was a purely good spirit, embodying every gracious aspect that her name inspired.

Cullen looks nervous. I wonder what's up.Ben tightened his grip on Angela's arm and waved tentatively to me, and I raised my hand in response. His sense of self-preservation was stronger than either Angela or Anna's, but it didn't bother me. We should be feared.

"See you in class, Angela," Alice nearly sang as she made a perfect pirouette in front of me. Over the past few days she'd been growing more and more antsy, impatient for today to arrive. Even Jasper was becoming annoyed with her – a rarity, to say the least. I pitied Anna – she was only vaguely aware of what my sister was capable of.

Alice's thoughts were an incoherent buzz in my mind as she ticked off all the plans she'd made. "Alice, calm down. You're giving me a headache." I leaned against my car, trying to relax as I waited for my love to arrive. Truth be told, I was just as jumpy as Alice was, but not due to excitement, but concern. Anna had been dreading today – her eighteenth birthday.

The thunder of Anna's ancient truck finally broke through the noise around us, and my head snapped around. None of the human students could hear it yet, but Alice had. She glanced up at me with a smirk, knowing that it was still at least a mile away.Only two more minutes, she thought, and giggled, spinning a small silver square between her fingers.

The campus parking lot was starting to fill, but no one tried to park next to me – they knew that only one vehicle was welcome here. For a moment I listened to the mundane workings of the human minds around me, trying to ignore my hyperactive sister.

There's Makayla. Should I comment on how good her hair looks today?Jeremy Stanley's unimaginative thoughts were the first to penetrate my consciousness.I haven't seen her with anyone this year. Maybe…He wasn't completely over Makayla Newton's rejection, still living in his shallow world of denial, desperately hoping that she was secretly waiting for the perfect moment to take him back. While Makayla deserved nothing less than the self-absorbed Jeremy, his hopes were in vain.

As usual, Newton was completely oblivious to his stares.Crap, was the vocab assignment due today?That idiot could never remember anything. I rolled my eyes at her thoughts; how hard was it to write down a due date?

Makayla Newton had no idea how lucky she was to be alive. How many times had I considered relieving her of the burden of breathing in the past eight months? Every time she thought about Anna,my Anna – how pretty she looked, how cute she sounded, how she considered herself above me – led to a murderous fantasy on my part. I'd imagined killing her in every excruciating, violent way I could think of, and it was only with enormous self-restraint that I'd kept from following through on my daydreams. I'd assumed that after the prom she would have finally dismissed all thoughts of Anna, but then she had to go and get a job at Newton's Outfitters.

Once again, Anna's thought processes were all backwards. "I need the money for college… and gas. You of all people should know that, the way you berate my truck," she'd said in an attempt to justify her job.

At the time, I'd fingered the money clip in my pocket, knowing without looking that I had more in my hand than she'd make in a dozen summers at Newton's. Her pride and self-reliance prevented her from accepting even a dime from me, even though it was a trivial gesture on my part. I drew the money out of my pocket anyway, anticipating the lovely look of chagrin that filled her face. I wasn't disappointed.

"Gas money is not a good enough reason. How much do you need?" I unfolded a crisp hundred and held it up.

"Don't even think about trying to give me money, I won't take it," she grumbled, and I stifled my smirk.

I pocketed the cash, but other ways of ending Anna's gas shortage began to fill my mind. She saw right through me, though, surprising me yet again by her astute perception.

"I'd better not win the lottery, or find a wallet, or a missing child or something that leads to a huge reward. And don't put gas in my truck while I sleep, either."

"You are being absurd. Would I do such a thing?" She rolled her eyes, correctly distrusting the innocent look I gave her. I leaned down and kissed her forehead, hoping to convince her in a different way. "What am I supposed to do while you are working?" I said seductively. When my lips touched her skin, the fiery thirst in my throat roared, but the pain was nearly pleasurable. It meant her vibrant body was close, safe, and human.

Her chin rose and she put her hand on my cheek, sending a different fire through my body. "You should spend some time with your family. I've been very selfish, stealing you away for nearly twenty-four hours a day. Go hunt with Emmett – he would love that." She'd sensed Emmett's frustration…she saw everything, didn't she?

"Anna…" I tried to argue, but she held up her hand.

"You know how much David wants me to do this; I can't just ignore the job he helped me to get. It'll make him happy, and then maybe he'll lay off you."

David. Of course he want her to do this, he'd been trying to separate me from his daughter for some time now. After Anna returned from Phoenix, beaten and up to her hip in plaster, the tenor of his thoughts toward me had been less than friendly. Anger and distrust swirled in his mind with unusual clarity whenever I came near, along with his own thoughts of violence. When he arrived home from work on that warm July afternoon, it was with a taunting smile that he gave Anna the offer from Mrs. Newton for a part-time job. I didn't need to read his mind to know it was his dream come true: Anna would leave my side, and be forced to spend time with the girl he thought she belonged with, Makayla Newton.

The same frown I'd worn when David made his announcement filled my face again. Anna stroked my cheek, making it difficult for me to stay angry.

"Working is something that humans do, Elsa – but I'm always open to change," she said, and I winced. She couldn't resist picking at my resolve to keep her heart beating. I refused to damn her with immortality, and she refused to accept her humanity. The subject of our impasse was always a conversation stopper, and she'd used it to effectively close the subject of her employment.

Two days later we stood in nearly the same spot in her kitchen. "It's only for four hours," she said as she rested her head against my chest.

"An eternity." I took a deep breath, inhaling as much of her scent as I could. Four hours would not affect my resistance to the infernal thirst for her blood, but the pain would move from my throat to my chest in her absence. I wouldn't be too far away, though…

"You and Emmett have plans, right?" she asked.

"Yes, we do." Sometimes it seemed she could read my mind. I changed the subject before she could ask what our plans entailed. "But I'll be right here when you get home." I leaned down, sliding my hand under her hair and against her warm neck. The heat was deceiving, giving the illusion of power and strength in Anna's fragile body, when in fact she was as delicate as a glass figurine in my hands.

"I'm counting on that," she whispered and locked her eyes on mine. Her pupils dilated as she stared, becoming unfocused, and I grinned, enjoying how I dazzled her. Our lips met, and my entire body exploded with sensual warmth. I could taste her scent on my tongue, barely resisting the urge to run it along her lips. When more volatile memories of her flavor surfaced, I pulled back reluctantly.

I expected her reaction, prepared for it, but it still stunned me. She pressed her chest against mine, and I felt every soft curve mold itself to me, separated by just a few layers of annoying fabric. For a half a second my mind wandered, wanting to experience her skin against mine – without the clothing – and the thought made me tremble. With great effort I continued to lift my head from hers, carefully breaking her hold, but not her bones. She was so fragile, so human… how I wished I was too.

"I love you," she said, her eyes pools of the sky.

"And I love you." The words were so inadequate, but they were the ones she could understand.

I released my Anna and she winked as she got in her truck and drove away. Already I felt empty. The next hours would be torture.

Moments later Emmett's Jeep pulled into the same spot in the driveway, my brother rubbing his hands together in anticipation as I climbed in.

"So, sis, what are we doing? There's been a report of a huge wolf roaming the park…"

"No, we're going to town."

His face fell.And who is in town? Like I have to ask."What's in this forme?"

Emmett's thoughts turned back to angry and frustrated. Anna was right, I'd neglected my relationship with him. "I'm sorry, Emmett. It's just that she's starting work today… at Newton's." The last word came out as a snarl, and I was surprised when he actually smiled.

"Anna is working at a sporting goods store? With Makayla Newton?" His laugh shook the windows of the house behind me. "Well, that changes everything. Let's go!" The tires squealed as he backed out of the driveway and spun around.

"Why are you so happy about it?" I sneered.

"Your girl will be spending the next few hours surrounded by bats, balls, racquets, fishing rods, and pop-up tents… I can't wait to see her demonstrate an elliptical trainer." His mind filled with images of Anna destroying the store, knocking over displays and getting tied up in netting. And in the middle of it was Newton, trying to help but receiving several lumps and bruises in the process. Emmett laughed as he imagined Newton explaining her injuries to Carlisle in the emergency room.

"Settle down, it won't be that bad," I said, clinging to Alice's vision that Anna wouldn't actually hit her foot with the bowling ball she was going to drop in about a 90 minutes.

"So what are we going to buy from her?" Emmett asked as we drove into town.

"We aren't going to buy anything. She made me promise that I wouldn't visit her at the store today. You, however, are under no such restriction."

"And what are you going to do while I'm inside?" He imagined me disassembling Newton's car in the parking lot.

Hmm, an interesting idea, but even in the tiny town of Forks I would be noticed removing the body panels of a perfectly good car. "I'll be nearby, don't worry." Listening, especially to that dolt, Newton.

"So am I protecting Anna from herself, or Makayla from you?" Emmett asked with his eyebrows raised.

I gave him a toothy grin that would have raised goose bumps on every inch of Newton's oily skin. "Both."

"Cool." Emmett parked behind the store, keeping me safely out of view of the front windows. "Hmmm, maybe I'll take up archery."

"Emmett…" I started, and he laughed again.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure she doesn't get hurt."

I leapt to the roof and easily found Newton's bland thoughts. She was training Anna, showing her where the ladder was so she could reach merchandise on the higher shelves. My teeth came together with a snap when she stood very close behind her as she climbed the ladder to retrieve a box of shoes. Even though she didn't touch her, her thoughts were enough to earn her a death sentence from me.

She smells great. Is that her shampoo or is she wearing perfume? Is she still seeing Cullen?

"Get away from her," I said, mostly to myself. Emmett heard me as he walked through the front door, though.

Don't worry, I'll take care of it.He watched as Anna found the box she wanted and started to slide it out of the middle of a tall stack. Just as the pile tipped, Emmett spoke.

"Anna! You workhere?" he said loudly, startling her. Ten shoe boxes came tumbling down on top of Makayla as Anna grabbed the ladder to keep from falling.

I couldn't help but laugh with Emmett, watching the hiking boots bounce off of Newton's skull. Anna teetered on the ladder though, still a few steps in the air. "Don't let her fall, Em!" I cried.

He was at Anna's side in an instant, steadying the ladder and helping her down. Makayla stood looking at the mess surrounding her, dazed.

She's fine! I swear you are going to be the first vampire to develop an ulcer.He looked down at Anna, who was obviously upset.

"What are you doing here?" Anna said through her teeth.

"I need a new baseball bat. Do you thinkyoucould help me?" Emmett said sweetly.

Through Emmett's eyes I saw Anna huff and turn to Makayla. "Are you okay?" she asked, shooting my brother a menacing glance.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Maybe I should get the stuff that's up high." She picked up an empty box and began to sort through the shoes, searching for the ones that matched the label on the cardboard.

"Let me do this, you can help Emmett," she said and gave Emmett a snide smile.

"Uh, okay, if that's what you want," Makayla said.Why doesn't she want take his sale? They all spend money like it's water. Maybe she's scared of him.

I sighed. Anna was as stubborn as ever, refusing to even take the commission from Emmett's purchase. Maybe having Newton be protective of Anna wasn't the worst thing. She'd better not let her climb that ladder again…

Emmett followed my nemesis over to the racks of baseball bats. "Do you like wood or aluminum?" Makayla asked unenthusiastically.

"Definitely aluminum. Wood shatters way too easily."

Makayla's eyes drifted toward Emmett's massive biceps.I could believe he could shatter a bat.The metal bats filled her vision.Let's see how much he's willing to pay.

He picked one of the most expensive bats on the rack. "This one is the best we have, perfectly balanced, designed for maximum trampoline effect."

Emmett took the bat, wrapping his fingers around the narrow grip, and swung the bat slowly… for him anyway. "Hmmm, seems kind of fragile to me. Do you have one with a larger diameter grip?"

Makayla surveyed Emmett's huge fingers. "Um, how about this one? It's a little more expensive, but it has a larger, carbon composite handle."The only thing big enough for those mitts would be a lamppost. He could snap me in two without breaking a sweat.

I snorted. "Makayla thinks you could break her in half, Em." Hopefully he would understand how much I'd love to see Newton suffer just such a fate.

Emmett took the new bat and waved it in a more threatening way, missing Makayla's shoulder by an inch. I savored the fear that flooded Newton's mind as she stepped back nervously.

Emmett pretended not to notice. "I like this one. It's similar to my old one. I'll take it."

They walked to the front of the store, passing Anna on the way. She'd nearly finished sorting the shoes and looked nervously at the ladder.

"I'll put those up. Don't worry about it, Anna," Makayla said generously. At least she understood Anna's limitations. "Why don't you help those ladies looking at the workout clothes?"

While Makayla was waiting for Emmett's credit card to clear, her thoughts drifted in another direction. "What happened to your old bat?" she asked.

Here's why you love me, Elsa,Emmett thought. "Well… you know my sister, Elsa, right?" He picked up a baseball from the stack by the counter. "Hey, I'll get this too."

Makayla cringed at the sound of my name, and I smiled, knowing where Emmett was going. "Yeah, we've met. She dated Anna for a while I think."I hope she had as much luck as I did with Jeremy. Maybe Anna is free tonight.

I slammed my hand through the side of the AC unit next to me, leaving a fist-sized hole in the thick steel.

"Yes, she'snutsabout her."Emphasis on NUTS!"Well, we were playing ball last week and I commented that Anna was kind of," he lowered his voice, "clumsy. She didn't like me talking about her like that, and proceeded to wrap my aluminum bat around a tree." He paused, giving Makayla a chance to imagine me so angry that I could bend a metal bat. "She's a lot stronger than she looks," Emmett added.

"Wow, I'll say," Makayla mumbled.I really need to watch out for her.

Emmett wasn't finished. "I wonder if she knows that Anna is workinghere. She wasn't happy to find out she had a job, you know." Emmett scratched his chin, looking back at the ladder. "She's very protective of her."

Makayla swallowed loudly. "She is?"More like possessive.

"Oh yeah. You know how Anna looked after her fall last March?" Makayla nodded, and I covered my face with my hand. What was Emmett doing now?

"That's nothing compared to how the hotel manager looked when Elsa was through with him. Everyonethoughtthe manager fell from the third story balcony by accident. The skull fracture damaged his short term memory, so he couldn't point any fingers…"

Dammit, he was making a farce of this now. "Emmett, cut it out," I groaned. His flair for the dramatic would undermine all his credibility, just when Makayla was starting to fear me.

Let me work, little sister. Look at her shake!

I focused on Makayla's mind again, elated to hear her heart start to race as she imagined me throwing a man off a roof.What would happen if Anna got hurt here?she thought in a panic, glancing at the display of hunting knives near the door.

"I'm sorry I doubted you, Em, that was excellent. She's terrified of me now. Thanks," I said, laughing. Who knew Makayla was as gullible as she was annoying.

Anna came up behind Emmett just then, distracting me from Makayla's terror. "Did you find what you needed?" she said curtly.

"I sure did. Are you and Elsa going out after work?"She's pissed, you know.

Of course she was. I looked at Anna through his eyes and saw the outrage on her face. When she caught the fearful look on Makayla's face, her hands balled into fists. "Yes, we are. Do you need anything else?" The words were sharp, but amusing: a stern dismissal from a frail butterfly.

My brother fought back a laugh. "Nope, that's it."She's pretty cute when she's mad.

"I'll tell Royal you thought that." I said. He was teasing, but I wasn't in the mood.

Geez, calm down, Elsa.

Makayla handed him the bat, making a mental list of the safest places for Anna to work in the store.

"Thanks. I'll tell Elsa I saw you," Emmett said and Makayla blanched. I chuckled, satisfied that Newton wouldn't make any more advances on my Anna.

Emmett turned to Anna. "You should stay off the ladders, Anna," he said seriously.

"Thanks, Em," I said sincerely.

No problem, sis.

Anna pointed her finger at him. "I can take care of myself. Go home,Emmett. TellElsaI'll see you both later."

She knew I was close, listening, and I would have to endure her temper when she got off work. Lucky for me, and Emmett, Anna's anger never lasted long, and I knew I could find a way to distract her. The memory of our last kiss returned in a flash.

"Okay. Bye Makayla!" Emmett said jovially and left.You owe me big time.

"I do. Thanks."

"Do we have to stayherefor the next three hours?" Emmett was swinging his new bat at his normal speed, whistling with it while he waited for me behind the store. I jumped down from the roof and he threw me the e on, she's not going to mess with her – she'll probably do everything she can to keep her safe.

I listened to Makayla's thoughts again, and Emmett's supposition was correct. Makayla was concentrating on keeping Anna in the section with sleeping bags and air mattresses where she would be less likely to hurt herself. She even averted her eyes when she bent over to pick up a piece of trash.

"You're right, she's harmless. Thanks again."

Emmett clapped me on the back.Ain't love grand?"How about we try out the bat? The clouds look pretty dark to the east." His phone beeped and I read the text message through his eyes.

The bowling ball has disappeared - she'll be fine. Thunder in ten minutes. Meet you there.

My thoughts returned to the present as the thunder I heard was actually the sound of Anna's truck arriving at school. Makayla didn't even look up as it rumbled past her, though her thoughts registered Anna's presence. I met her eyes as she glanced at me furtively, but didn't react. Makayla swallowed quickly before picking up her backpack and striding quickly to the restroom.

So much trouble just so Anna could earn a mere pittance. Of all the human activities for her to insist on… and then to fight so hard against celebrating the most human of all events, her eighteenth birthday. Backwards. Of course.

As Anna pulled into her parking place, Alice spun the present like a top on the tip of her finger.Do you think she'll like it?

The question surprised me – couldn't Alice see Anna's reaction? I looked into her mind, and could only see Anna refusing the gift. Of course.

"I have no idea. You know how Anna is about gifts, so I wouldn't expect her to be happy, assuming you ever get her to open it." Every time I'd given her anything, even just a nice dinner out, she'd sulked and complained, not wanting to allow herself or me any enjoyment. She had so little in the way of material things and I had so much, why wouldn't she let me share some of that abundance with her? It was ludicrous.

But I wasn't willing to let her throw away this human experience, and Alice had been more than happy to arrange a party for Anna. I couldn't remember any of my human birthdays, and I wasn't going to let her forget this one. It was right for her to celebrate… what I wouldn't give to reach eighteen.

Alice barely let Anna put the truck into park before going to meet her. It was amazing that the rusty vehicle survived so long in rain-soaked Washington; it should have dissolved like a sugar cube in the constant deluge of rain long ago.

Anna slammed the door after she jumped out, sending another handful of the vehicle's exterior to oblivion. I'd expected her to be glum today… though it was completely irrational. The furrow between her eyebrows deepened as her vision drifted toward the simple gift in Alice's hands. I fought the urge to push past my sister and take Anna in my arms, though they begged me to do just that. Alice should have her chance.

"Happy birthday, Anna!" Alice called.

"Shhh!" Anna ducked, as if to hide behind the collar of her jacket.

"Do you want to open your present now or later?"Now, please, now…Alice chanted in her head. She knew Anna wouldn't agree to either option, but this time she was hoping to change her vision of the future.

"No presents," Anna groaned, and I smiled. Even Alice couldn't sway my stubborn Anna.

"Okay," Alice said sadly, "later, then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the phone and laptop from David?"

"Yeah. They're great." Anna seemed to shrink down even further.

"I think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."…the first time…Alice added for my benefit, remembering her vision of Anna with a newborn vampire's flaming red eyes.

"Not today, Alice," I whispered quickly. Her arm was close enough to pinch – and I could do it so fast Anna wouldn't see it. Alice flinched away, seeing her future injury, and I changed my mind. Sometimes the threat was better than the actual punishment.

"How many times haveyoubeen a senior?" Anna argued, unaware of the exchange between us.

"That's different," Alice said, turning to me.Happy?

Anna's eyes tightened, and I reached out to her before she could respond. Her face softened as she turned to me, gracing me with her beautiful countenance.

Though I'd only left Anna's side a few hours ago, I was already anxious to see her again. The time away from her was only a blip in my existence, the blink of an eye in my hundred-plus years, but every second of separation felt like a year. Then, when we were together, the clock seemed to spin faster than it ever had before; especially here in this purgatory that was high school. My perception of time was just one of the many ways that Anna had changed me in the eight short months I'd known her.

She threw her hand into mine, and I couldn't help but gently squeeze it. The heat of her fingers soaked into mine, traveling up my arm and filling me with warmth. Her heart stuttered as she

peered up at me, and I smiled wider. Her blue eyes swallowed my view, and for a moment I was lost in them. She didn't seem to comprehend that she dazzled me just as often as I dazzled her.

Happy Birthday, my love, I thought, but didn't voice the words. "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?" I said, tracing her lips with my finger, hoping that she felt the same electric pleasure in my touch that I felt in her balmy, supple skin.

"Yes, that is correct," she said formally, a delicious pink coloring her cheeks.

"Just checking. You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."

Alice laughed. "Of course you'll enjoy it." She tried to look ahead into Anna's future, but could only see me trying to coax my love to get out of her truck in front of our house after school. Until Anna decided she would attend her own birthday party, the future was a mystery.

"Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Anna. What's the worst that could happen?" I barely kept my smile in place. Anna was all too familiar with 'the worst.' And with her luck…

"Getting older," Anna grumbled, and I couldn't help but press my lips together. So much for trying to avoid a very tedious argument.

Alice was undaunted. "Eighteen isn't very old. Don't people usually wait until they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"

"It's older than Elsa," Anna said sadly. I exhaled loudly, wishing that Anna could understand how much I desired to stay older than her – to grow oldwithher. Howshewas the fortunate one.

"Technically, just by one little year, though."

Anna considered Alice's words and then relaxed a bit. Maybe shecouldsee how much better it was for her to stay human after all.

"What time will you be at the house?"

Anna tensed again, and her grip on my hand tightened. "I didn't know I had plans to be there."

The vision of Anna refusing to attend her party got clearer in Alice's mind and I groaned mentally.

Alice did not accept this future either, and fought furiously to change it. "Oh, be fair, Anna! You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?"

"I thought my birthday was about whatIwant," Anna snapped.

"I'll get her from David's right after school," I said, hoping to calm Alice down.

"I have to work," Anna said smugly.

"You don't, actually," Alice replied. Anna's face went red again. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"

"I—I still can't come over. I, well, I haven't watchedRomeo and Julietyet for English."

As Alice tried vainly to convince Anna to forego watching the movie, I could see my sister's deeply buried temper rise. Finally it broke through and she turned to me with ice in her voice.

"This can be easy, or this can be hard, Anna, but one way or another…" The image of Alice dragging a screaming Anna through the forest was an unwelcome sight in my mind.

"Relax, Alice. If Anna wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday." Alice pursed her lips.

Don't you dare side with her – you want this as much as I do, I know it.

"So there," Anna said. I almost expected her to stick out her tongue.

"I'll bring her over around seven. That will give you more time to set up."

Alice looked into the future and saw Anna and me walking calmly up the steps of my home, and brightened. "Sounds good. See you tonight, Anna! It'll be fun, you'll see." She jumped up and gave Annas cheek a feather's kiss before dashing off to class.

Anna sulked, having lost the chance to argue further. "Elsa, please—" but I gently laid my finger over her mouth, her lips so soft against my stony skin. Enough arguing.

"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class."


	3. party

This school year was different from any other I'd experienced. Purgatory wasn't nearly so bad when an angel escorted you through it. We shared most of our classes, and though the material was a complete waste, learning about Anna was the education I most desired. In classroom situations her reactions were slightly more normal, more predictable, but she still surprised me with her knowledge and unique point of view. Every day brought a new insight into her being, and for once I actually enjoyed school.

The day flew by, and too soon I was escorting Anna to her truck. The rest of the afternoon would be spent fending off her attempts to avoid her party, not the most appealing of tasks. I hoped that Alice's vision was holding and that Anna would eventually agree to attending in a civil manner.

Seven o'clock, Elsa, don't forget.Alice's thoughts whizzed past me as she sped out of the school parking lot in my car. My sister seemed to be under the impression that I was incapable of remembering Anna's birthday party—the event she'd been planning for a month. She knew perfectly well that I would remember; just one of the many curses of being a vampire was an infallible memory. Until recently, cursed was all I ever felt. Not any more.

The resistance started when we reached Anna's truck and I opened the passenger door, as I did every day.

"It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?" Anna demanded.

Not a wise argument on her part… "I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished."

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight…" And Alice would dismember me.

"All right." I'd rather stand Anna's slow driving than Alice's wrath, so I went around and opened the driver's door instead. "Happy Birthday."

Her face twisted in what appeared to be pain. "Shh," she hissed weakly before getting in.

I looked over at Anna; her eyes narrowing slightly with concentration while backing into the exiting line of cars. As she cocked her head over her shoulder her full, pink lips turned down in a scowl. She was beautiful, though unhappy, and my throat burned hotter at the sight.

Time to fulfill the role I had to play for Emmett's benefit. I fiddled with her ancient radio, not surprised that static was the most I could get out of it. I shook my head, selling my dissatisfaction.

"Your radio has horrible reception." When I noted the inadequacy of her truck's radio, Anna bit my head off, she was so incensed.

"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car." Her words were so rarely sharp with me that I was caught off guard and nearly laughed aloud. Such ferocity from such a gentle, altruistic creature was oxymoronic, and I barely contained myself.

She continued to stew while I recovered from the force of her reaction, my mirth turning to frustration at her stubbornness. We pulled up to her house, and I decided it was time to use a stronger form of coercion to break her angry mood.

I took her face in my hands, barely touching her silky skin. Enclosed in the cab her scent permeated my very being, fanning the flames of my throat until they seemed to engulf my entire body. The sensation, though rooted in pain, faded to pleasure as it reached my fingertips. The memory of her taste, and the euphoria that accompanied it, hovered at the edge of my perception, always tempting me when we were together. It was a different temptation I succumbed to as I held her delicate face, though, and I leaned in close.

"You should be in a good mood, today of all days," I said softly, purposely letting my breath waft toward her. The effect was immediate, and Anna's pulse and respiration lurched.

"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" she asked weakly. A smile grew on my lips as I devoured her with my eyes. Her eyes grew wide, and though I was trying to dazzle her, I was the one who stopped breathing.

"Too bad," I whispered. Slowly I bent down and gently pressed my lips to hers. Her warmth was always the first sensation that registered when we kissed, followed by the sharp but pleasurable prickling of electric excitement that raced through me. My breathing started again, and the paradox of pleasure and agony filled me along with the scent of freesia and lavender that floated on top of the aroma of her delicious blood.

As careful as I was, Anna, as usual, was not one to follow suit. The fire in her lips had barely begun to seep into me before her hands wove their way around my neck, pulling me closer. She inhaled deeply and her mouth began to move against mine; her tongue begging entrance through my lips. Her scent intensified as she pressed hard against me, and I smiled, always amazed that I could incite such a passionate reaction from her.

She continued to tempt me, pulling me to her with as much force as she could muster. I shivered, imagining the jolt I would feel if Icouldexplore her mouth the way she begged to enjoy mine. Anna had no idea how hard it was being this close but having to stop, knowing that so much more pleasure was just millimeters away. She trusted my control – and tested it often – not knowing that she fueled a fire within me that I'd thought had long since been extinguished. I'd always considered humans weak, shallow creatures compared to vampires, but the human feelings Anna ignited in me were stronger than anything I'd ever encountered. Stronger even than the most powerful vampire sensation – thirst.

She too was powerful, to have this hold on me. How I wanted to return her passion with the same intensity, to show her exactly how she made me feel, but it wasn't possible. She was so fragile, so breakable, and I couldn't allow myself even the slightest lapse in control for fear of injuring her, killing her, or worse, poisoning her.

As I disengaged her hands from my body, I felt her pulse hammering within my grasp. "Be good, please," I sighed. She sat perfectly still, and I kissed her gently. Her heart beat loudly, and when I released her she placed her hand on her chest.

"Do you think I'll ever get better at this?" she said, not looking at me. "That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"

"I really hope not," I snickered. Her heart was not only the core of her humanity, it was also one of the few windows I had into her thoughts. The way her pulse reacted to my closeness, my touch, even my words was something to be protected almost as much as her life.

Rather than bicker any longer, she rolled her eyes and opened the car door. "Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?"

"Your wish, my command."

Once inside, I settled on the old couch in front of the TV, savoring the lingering taste of her kiss. She started the tape, and I pulled her against me gently, breathless as she settled her soft, warm back against my chest.

As I covered her with a blanket off the couch, my curiosity got the best of me. "You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo." I'd seenRomeo and Julietperformed in every conceivable way and in more languages than I could count. I couldn't help but wonder why she loved it so.

"What's wrong with Romeo?" she said, clearly distressed.

Romeo was so impulsive, so thoughtless in his dealings, and I was unable to relate to him at all. Anna seemed to take offense at my criticism, and my inability to read her thoughts irritated me for the thousandth time. What appeal could Romeo have for the smart, thoughtful woman I loved?

"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline—don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant." Surely she could see Romeo's copious flaws. "Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his happiness any more thoroughly?"

The credits ended and Anna sighed. "Do you want me to watch this alone?"

So it was to be punishment for my opinion? Two could play that game… "No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." The delicate softness of her arm became the center of my attention. Goosebumps rose on her creamy skin at my touch, and I cursed my frigid body temperature. "Will you cry?" I asked, remembering the sweet flavor of her tears.

"Probably, if I'm paying attention," she said, her eyes on the screen.

"Then I won't distract you."With my voice, at least,I thought. Every time I touched Anna, whether with my hands or my lips, her heart would react, sometimes speeding up, other times skipping a beat. Though I delighted in teasing her, when Anna rubbed her eyes, trying to stay focused on the television, I realized that if I didn't let her concentrate we may end up having to watch the movie a second time. I stilled, and turned my eyes to the story unfolding before us. As Romeo confessed his adoration of Juliet, I found myself finding new meaning in his words, and began reciting them along with the actor.

Anna shivered in my arms as I whispered in her ear, softly echoing the words coming from the television.

"See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!

O, that I were a glove upon that hand,

That I might touch that cheek!"

I continued to speak Romeo's lines, enjoying how Anna snuggled against me with each speech. Finally we reached the pivotal moment, when Juliet finds her love, dead. Anna didn't speak Juliet's lines aloud, but her lips moved synchronously with those of the actress.

What's here? a cup, closed in my true love's hand?

Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end:

O churl! drunk all, and left no friendly drop

To help me after? I will kiss thy lips;

Haply some poison yet doth hang on them,

To make die with a restorative.

As Juliet kissed Romeo, hoping to die with him, the tears streamed down Anna's cheeks. My lips found her hair, needing to ease her sadness, even if it was imagined. Her crying did not relent, and I tried a different distraction.

"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," I said, remembering Romeo tip the poison into his mouth and succumbing in seconds. My mouth was always full of poison, and yet I sat unaffected. Gently I brushed her tears away with a lock of her red hair.

"She's very pretty." Anna said in a sour tone.

I nearly choked at her words. She thought I found this actress appealing when I had perfection in my arms? "I don't envy him thegirl—just the ease of the suicide." Without thinking I continued. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts…"

"What?" Anna exclaimed, interrupting me.

She truly did not understand the depth of my feelings. How my life was inexorably bonded to hers; how I could only exist if she did. I tried to order my thoughts to impress this connection upon her.

"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning… after he realized what he'd become…" I paused. Maybe I could also sway her away from her desire to become immortal if she realized how inescapable our curse was.

As I gazed at her profile, I could see the distressed look on her face, and I softened my tone. "And he's clearly still in excellent health." It'd been wrong for me to disclose my plans, I could see that now.

She wiggled in my arms, finding my eyes with her own. "What are you talking about? What do you mean, this was something you had to think about once?" Anger colored her words, and my regret intensified.

"Last spring, when you were nearly… killed…" My mind returned to the moment I saw her, lying broken in a pool of her own blood. A lump appeared in my throat, preventing speech for a split second. I gathered myself so I could continue. "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans." I remembered that terrible race through Phoenix, the torture of not knowing if she still lived, and how I'd realized that my life would end when hers did. "Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human."

I could see the memories pass through Anna's face as clearly as if I could read her mind, and I ached for bringing such pain back to her. Unthinking, she touched the scar Hans left on her palm. I watched her expression changed from fear, to pain, and back to anger as she considered my words. "Contingency plans?" she repeated flatly.

"Well, I wasn't going to live without you," I said, frustrated that I had to spell it out so bluntly. She should understand this easily. "But I wasn't sure how to do it…I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help…so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."

The Volturi had more than enough power to quickly end my existence. Carlisle had seen their dominance firsthand centuries ago, and since then their strength had only grown. I would be but an annoyance, extinguished as easily as a candle.

Anna broke my reverie loudly. "What is a Volturi?" she nearly screamed.

"The Volturi are a family." Coven is more descriptive – they had no emotional ties as our family did – but family was a description she could relate to. "A very old, powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America—do you remember the story?"

"Of course I remember," she snapped. Her eyes drifted to my shoulder, no doubt reviewing the lesson I gave her in Carlisle's office.

"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi. Not unless you want to die—or whatever it is we do." Death was not the correct term, but again, it would suffice for her. I could only hope that the end would bring me some kind of peace.

Her gaze returned to mine, and her expression of anger transmuted to terror. She cradled my face in her hands as she spoke, obviously in earnest that I hear her.

"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again!" she chastised. So caring. A very old, blurry memory stirred in the back of my mind. So like my human mother. "No matter what might ever happen to me, you arenot allowedto hurt yourself." And yet understanding still eluded her…

"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point." This promise I made to her, and to myself.

"Put mein danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault? How dare you even think like that?" Her voice grew shrill.

Of course I'd put her in danger. The day I decided to take the selfish route, the weak route, to share my world with her, I'd brought more danger to her doorstep than she could have ever imagined. Her propensity for attracting trouble may have initiated the process, but I enabled it with my decision. I've known since the beginning that the right path would be for me to leave her to her human life, but I couldn't find the strength for such a separation. Besides, she needed my protection – being the magnet for all things dangerous that she was.

Couldn't she see it from my perspective? "What would you do, if the situation were reversed?"

"That's not the same thing," she replied quickly. I waited while her brain caught up with her mouth. Her face paled when she spoke again. "What if something did happen to you? Would you want me to gooff myself?"

In a rush, the image of Romeo's lifeless body was replaced by my own, and Anna sobbed over me. This was a scenario I hadn't considered. My imaginary Anna raised the dagger above her chest, and I cringed, swiftly erasing the scene from my mind. It wasn't the same. She would die someday, regardless. Her human mind would find a way to move on, unlike mine with its flawless recall, and in a few decades, she would find her rest, peacefully slipping into paradise. She wouldn't be condemned to the hell of an eternity alone, infinity without reason.

But I did feel the pain she perceived at the thought of outliving me, even if it was completely unrealistic. "I guess I see your point…a little. But what would I do without you?" In my mind, Romeo now leaned over his dead Juliet, matching the way I'd knelt over Anna's bloody body in

Arizona. I held my breath, just as I had then, the burn incinerating not only my throat but everything inside my chest as well.

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence," she said as if it were obvious.

I sighed, knowing with certainty that she couldn't understand how it was her life, her love, that was the only purpose for my existence. Before, I was only searching for her, once she was gone, there would be nothing to find. "You make it sound so easy," I said, defeated. She couldn't understand.

"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."

She was so stubborn…still, after all this time, unable to accept how desirable she was to everyone, but so much more so to me. How that desire had absolutely nothing to do with how she smelled or tasted.

I started to argue, but remembered that this was supposed to be a day of celebration. "Moot point." I would discuss this no further.

Before she could formulate a response I heard David's clouded thoughts, and rearranged Anna so that we weren't in contact. I didn't need to explain myself now.

"David?" she asked, and I smiled, glad for the change in topic. Anna reached out for my hand, giving me a defiant look as her father entered with dinner.

As usual, David's thoughts were murky, hidden in a thick fog. He was content, I could tell, only slightly distressed that his daughter was edging closer to the day she would leave him as an adult. They ate in silence, David glancing occasionally at his daughter, noting how she resembled her mother. The realization brought him both joy and sorrow, though the reason for the latter was not clear.

After dining, and after saving Anna's camera from a disastrous rendezvous with the floor, she and I left for my house and the promised birthday celebration. I drove this time, without any argument from Anna, thankfully.

Painfully we crept through the twilight at speeds well below what I would tolerate in my car. Too bad Royal was so repelled by Anna's presence; he would enjoy adding some power to this obsolete vehicle. I pushed the accelerator a little closer to the floor.

"Take it easy," Anna said. She was so protective of this piece of junk. I couldn't stop myself from needling her.

"You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power…"

"There's nothing wrong with my truck." She said, jutting her chin in my direction. I smiled to myself. So defensive. The kitten who would be a tiger. "And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on my birthday presents."

As much as I'd wanted to buy her something big, like the Audi, I had acceded to her wishes and resisted that temptation. "Not a dime," I said proudly.

"Good."

I rolled my eyes as I turned onto the driveway, but she didn't see my frustration. We were nearing the point of decision on her part, whether or not she would actually give in and let us celebrate her special day. "Can you do me a favor?" I tested.

"That depends on what it is," she said suspiciously.

Of course. I turned to her, hoping she wouldn't fight me on this issue. "Anna, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited." Well, nearly all…

Anna's expression relaxed into surprise. What could she have been expecting of me? "Fine, I'll behave…"

But there was more. "I should probably warn you…"

Surprisingly, her demeanor didn't change. "Please do."

"When I say they're all excited… I do meanallof them."

In this instance, Anna's reaction was exactly as I expected. Her face contorted with fear as she spoke. "Everyone?" Her voice broke on the word, and it was clear that she was thinking about facing Royal.

"Emmett wanted to be here." Hopefully Anna would focus on him – she loved my brother and his blunt sense of humor.

"But… Royal?"

"I know, Anna. Don't worry, he'll be on his best behavior." If Royal stepped a toe out of line I would personally crush every one of his prized mechanic's tools with my bare hands, then mold them into a bust of my love's gorgeous face and embed it in the hood of the BMW.

Anna sat silently as we rumbled toward the house. My family heard us coming, Emmett guffawing at the loud rumble while Alice gleefully showed me her latest vision. I saw myself laugh as I escorted my love into the house. How we got to that future from where we were now was beyond me, but I tried to lighten the mood.

"So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?" As soon as the question left my lips, I regretted speaking.

"You know what I want," she replied quietly, and her words were like a knife in my heart. Her birthday was the cusp on which our impasse balanced: the marking of time for her; the ceasing of time for me. All summer Anna had asked, begged, pleaded and demanded that I do to her what had been done to me, take her soul and make her a vampire. Her argument was a simple one—she wanted to be with me forever. She ignored all the torturous aspects of my existence: the ostracism, the ravaging thirst, the boredom – let alone the eternal damnation – insisting that our love would make up for any pain she felt. She couldn't understand that she didn't belong in this hell.

But there was no reasoning with her, and I was tired of this argument. "Not tonight, Anna. Please."

"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want," she said flippantly.

Her words elicited an angry growl from me. Pity Alice if she should ever consider such a thing. Anna's ingenuity would have to be circumvented, however, and I would make a point of discussing the issue with Alice – and Carlisle as well – when the opportunity arose. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Anna."

"That's not fair!" she cried, childishly.

My teeth slammed together, preventing an equally childish retort. It wasn't her fault she couldn't understand, I told myself, trying to quell my frustration.

As we approached the house, I focused on the others' thoughts as they waited for us to arrive. Everyone was happy and excited; everyone but Royal, adding to my irritation. His hatred of Anna was flowing, having been coerced by Emmett into participate in today's festivity.This is completely ridiculous, he thought.

Jasper winced at the conflicting emotions he was sensing as they waited, wishing, as he did nearly every day, to be rid of the gift that he saw as a curse. We rounded the last bend and the house came into view.

"Nooooo," Anna moaned when she saw the over-decorated steps.

Alice had gone too far, as usual, and now Anna was even more upset. I tried to calm myself, putting our squabble out of my mind. My only hope of getting Anna to come in with me would be to dazzle her yet again, and I took a few deep breaths, trying to find the calm I would need to sway her.

I stopped the truck and turned to Anna. She was working to control her own respiration as well. "This is a party. Try to be a good sport," I said evenly.

"Sure," she mumbled, and I sped around and opened her door.

As she took my hand, the familiar crease appeared between her eyebrows. "I have a question," she said.

I braced myself for her inquisition, but said nothing.

"If I develop this film, will you show up in the picture?"

As usual, Anna had come up with something completely unexpected. Hadn't she realized that all the myths were just that, myths? The thought that I would be invisible to film, or mirrors for that matter, was completely hilarious, and I burst out laughing. Chuckles rippled through the house as well, lightening everyone's mood, save Royal's. he elbowed Emmett hard, forcing him to stop laughing with a quiet "Ow."

On that note, I escorted Anna up the steps and through the door where she was greeted by a loud "Happy Birthday!"

As I kissed the top of her head I added my own silent wish.Happy birthday, Anna, my love. May you have many more.

Anna was the center of nearly everyone's thoughts to varying degrees, but when I closed the door behind us, the focus shifted in an instant. The motion of the door sent Anna's scent swirling through the room, making self-control everyone's primary concern. What caught my attention was Jasper's reaction.

He gripped the banister tightly as he was assaulted by the raging thirst of six other vampires. I caught his eye and he shook his head.I'm fine. It's just the initial shock that's difficult. I prepared, Elsa.Annoyance colored his thoughts as he caught glances from the rest of the family as well.

My brother opened his eyes wider in defiance so everyone could see the light amber of a well-fed immortal staring back. He seemed calm now, but still…

It'll be fine, give Jasper a break,Alice thought, showing me the laughter that would soon sound when Anna opened her gifts.

Reluctantly I released Anna so that Esme could wrap her arms around my love carefully. Her thoughts filled with the same love she had for all her children, accepting Anna easily as her daughter. If only it could be so. When she kissed Anna's forehead I was stunned. Not a single predatory thought crossed my mother's mind; it was as if she was kissing one of us. Apparently my affection wasn't the only one strong enough to overcome the thirst.

Anna cringed as she looked around at the plethora of pink that filled the room. Alice had purchased every pink rose and candle from here to Seattle, and they were everywhere. If Anna hadn't been present, the room would have reeked with wax and smoke; only hints of the long-stemmed roses would have been detectable. With her standing next to me I smelled none of it.

"Sorry about this," Carlisle whispered loudly to Anna. Touching Anna was not nearly the challenge for Carlisle that it had been for Esme, and he squeezed her shoulders affectionately. "We couldn't rein in Alice."

Royal and Emmett stepped up next, and my brother managed to keep his expression stoic. Emmett, however was beaming.

"You haven't changed at all," he said, teasing. "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."

In truth, Emmett noted every single change. Anna's hair was longer, due for a trim soon. Her figure was slightly more defined, accentuated by her snug jeans. The remnants of Alice's last grooming attack showed on Anna's fingernails, which were still smooth and round. She hadn't grown, but had become more confident around my family, standing taller, though she did waver momentarily before my mountain of a brother. He towered over her, resisting the urge to pat her on the head like a pet.

And she's still human,he added for my benefit. Brothers…

Anna blushed more, "Thanks a lot, Emmett."

He laughed, "I have to step out for a second. Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."I wish I could see her face when she opens the box.He chuckled silently as he exited out the front door.

"I'll try," Anna said, rolling her eyes.

She glanced across the room at Jasper, and when he didn't follow Alice to her side, she smiled at him carefully. I felt a glimmer of hope that Anna's self-preservation might still be intact. Perhaps she could sense Jasper's struggles as well.

"Time to open presents," Alice announced, leading Anna to a long table set up next to my piano. An enormous pink sheet cake sat in the center of the table, flanked by another vase of pink roses on one side, and a small stack of immaculate, silver-wrapped presents on the other. The ebony of the piano was a sharp contrast to the bright pink cake.

Tucked behind the presents was a tall stack of glass plates, and I stifled a groan. I hoped that Alice didn't expect us to eat the cake. Mass vomiting wasn't usually part of normal birthday party festivities.

Anna's face fell, but there was something about the look that was false. Was she really going to accept her gifts graciously?

"Alice I know I told you I didn't want anything—"

"But I didn't listen," Alice interrupted, glowing as she too saw the tiniest glint of excitement in Anna's eyes. "Open it," she commanded, handing Anna the largest of the three packages.

I predicted Anna's reaction, her hesitance to recklessly rip the paper and quickly discover the prize. She took the box carefully, clearly surprised at its lack of substance. First she read the tag, then tipped it from side to side, looking for a place to tear the paper, but also discovering that the present's contents didn't make a sound. Her eyes darted around at us as she tore at a corner of the paper, revealing the labels on the box.

Still confused, she squinted as she examined the writing, and I pressed my lips together as she found the top of the box and opened it. She looked inside, and her eyes widened, finding it empty.

She has no idea what it is!Royal thought loudly, grinning for once.

"Um… thanks?" Anna said, not as a statement but as a question.

Jasper laughed the loudest, covering my chuckle. "It's a stereo for your truck. Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."

Anna sighed at Alice, but then smiled warmly. "Thanks, Jasper, Royal," then looked at me. She pursed her lips, still smiling, easily conveying her recognition of my insulting her truck earlier. There was nothing but joy in her look, though, and the sight warmed me like only the sun could.

"Thanks, Emmett," Anna called slightly louder, and joined his raucous laugher with her own quiet giggles.

She truly is wonderful, Elsa,Carlisle thought, recognizing that Anna had already accepted that Emmett could hear her without yelling.

"Open mine and Elsa's next," Alice nearly screeched. She still hadn't seen Anna's reaction to the gift – the future was mysteriously clouded. Was Anna going to refuse to open my present?

In answer she turned to glare at me with a hard look on her face. "You promised," she said darkly.

Just then Emmett bounded back into the room, having completed his task. "Just in time!" he bellowed, every one of his deadly teeth sparkling in the bright lights.

Anna's gaze hadn't wavered from my face. "I didn't spend a dime," I swore, raising my hand. She'd been fine with the radio—was it only presents frommethat disturbed her?

A lock of hair strayed across Anna's face, ever so slightly hiding her eyes from me, and I reached out and tucked it behind her ear gently. Anna's heart skipped a beat, and Esme squeezed Carlisle's hand at the sound.

She's so gentle with her… it's lovely, Elsa.

Anna took a deep breath, still unsmiling. "Give it to me," she said, resigned.

Emmett chuckled.She really won't takeanythingfrom you, will she?

I glanced at him and rolled my eyes. So it seemed.

Anna took the package, but didn't take any time to figure it out. The shape and size should make it obvious to her what it was, but without a thought she forcefully shoved her finger under the edge of the wrapping.

Before Anna could tear the paper, the skin of her finger gave way to the surprisingly sharp edge. To my horror, a single drop of her blood began to appear, and time slowed to a crawl. Just the sight of the tiny but growing red dot was enough to cause my throat to explode in scorching pain, and my stomach twisted inside me, anticipating another taste of the sweet perfection of her blood. By the time the magnificent aroma of Anna's blood bloomed, the hunter in me, the monster, found new life, quickly choosing which arteries would provide the most satisfying meal while drawing out the pleasure as long as possible. My vision blurred for a split second as the scent became a flavor, an overwhelming, ecstatic taste, recalling the last time her blood had crossed my lips.

"Shoot," Anna said only a second after sensing the cut, and as before, the sound of her voice broke me out of my fantasy. My breathing ceased, bringing no relief, but enabling me to maintain my tenuous hold on self-control. The thoughts of my family overwhelmed me as they all fought to maintain their composure, cutting off their air supplies one by one. Their thirst was nothing compared to mine, but their thoughts served to enflame my parched throat even further. I beat the monster back again. I couldn't hurt Anna. Iwouldn't hurt her.

My love was unaware of the struggles around her, and slowly turned the cut and its single drop of blood toward her face. At that moment, two images appeared, superimposed in my mind: from Alice, the sight of Jasper diving for Anna; from Jasper, the light red tresses of Anna's hair inches from his eyes as his lips met her throat. In the next millisecond Jasper tensed for the leap, and I reacted out of instinct.

With most of my last breath I screamed, "NO!" moving swiftly to intercept my ravenous brother. He was so fast that my only option was to push Anna away, becoming a stone wall between her supple skin and Jasper's razor sharp teeth. His body crashed into mine, his mind completely filled with a bloodlust at least equal to mine, but without any leash to restrain it. Our arms locked together, and with a fury equal to his lust I held him back.

Her – I have to have her! Get out of my way!his thoughts screamed. It was as if Jasper had regressed back a newborn vampire – his entire being was driven by only one word,blood. He snapped at me, desperately trying to make his way to Anna. Just as I secured my grip on him, I heard a crash, and Jasper's struggle increased.

His mind raced as he watched Anna, lying in a pile of shattered glass, her arm covered in glass shards. I saw the carnage through his eyes, and the fire reached out from my throat to fill me completely. The scent of her blood was so thick I could actually taste it through Jasper's thoughts, but he only had a vague idea of the true pleasure the warm, vermillion liquid embodied. Pulse by pulse the feast poured out… so enticing… and the thoughts of the rest of my family also filled with

temptation. I couldn't contain the growl that crossed my lips – my inner demon was not only thirsty, but possessive.

Blood… Waste… Mine…Incapable of coherent thought now, Jasper focused only on the blood pooling around Anna. A deep, animalistic snarl ripped out of his chest, his teeth flashing as he repeatedly lunged against me toward her. His defenses fell as he was consumed by his scorching desire, and I saw my chance to rip into his throat, ending the threat to my love, my desire. My MATE. MINE.

NO ELSA, DON'T!Alice screamed in her thoughts, her flash of the future showing me not only her grief, but also Anna's horror at the sight of Jasper's severed head rolling across the floor. The sight distracted me just enough to see Emmett approach thirstily behind our crazed brother.

Was he coming to my aid, or Jasper's? "She's mine," I growled quietly, angling Jasper's body between Anna and Emmett as he continued to thrash mindlessly against my grasp. I sampled the thoughts around me, looking for more attackers, but no one else moved. Emmett wrapped his arms around Jasper, pulling him back, separating us.

Behind me, Anna lay bleeding, and as I fought to protect her from Jasper, I also battled against myself. The venom was nearly overflowing my lips, the burn in my throat so intense that when my hands became free, I barely resisted the urge to turn on her myself. I saw my love's face through Alice's eyes, and realized that the reason she was bathed in blood was not due to Jasper, but because I'd carelessly flung her into the table full of glass.

my god what have I done?


	4. stitches

I've got him, Elsa. Relax.Emmett's thoughts were steady – he had his thirst under control. I didn't move, not trusting anyone around me.

"Emmett, Roy, get Jasper outside," Carlisle ordered.

Emmett nodded his assent. "Come on, Jasper," he said with the last of his air, dragging our brother toward the door. Jasper continued to fight, turning his attacks on his captor. His thoughts were completely incoherent, just a jumble of violent, feral reactions.

I growled, louder this time, as I looked around, preparing to defend Anna against the rest of my ravenous family while also fighting my own urge to take her. Wisely, no one moved toward me.

Maybe now you'll see that she doesn't belong here, Elsa,Royal thought as he helped Emmett drag an animalistic Jasper outside. I bared my teeth at him, but he didn't react.

I have to get away, the smell is so strong…Esme was beginning to panic, her thoughts starting to fragment as Jasper's had, and quickly followed behind Royal. "I'm so sorry, Anna," she wailed, covering her face with her hand.

Only Alice and Carlisle were left now, and Anna sighed behind me.

Slowly Carlisle took a single step toward Anna, holding his hands apart, palms up. "Let me by, Elsa," he said, his thirst controlled, but strong.She needs medical attention,he thought.

Alice swallowed hard then showed me the immediate future: Carlisle stitching up Anna in the kitchen. Her confidence in the vision quelled her thirst, and I relaxed my stance and let Carlisle approach. The only remaining threat to Anna was me.

The urge to protect had overshadowed the thirst, but now that the danger had been mitigated, there was little to distract me from the combustion in my throat. I clenched my teeth trying to focus on helping my love rather than ending her life.

Her vitals are strong… no sign of shock… no broken bones…Carlisle carefully examined Anna while I stood back and watched. Her expression of horror was unmistakable, but she quickly attempted to smooth her features as he knelt down to her. The bravery she displayed was admirable, if foolhardy. Sheshouldbe terrified. And the worst monster of all still stood over her…me.

"Here, Carlisle," Alice said, handing him a kitchen towel, doing much more to help than I could at the moment. I knew it would be insufficient – Anna's injuries were beyond the help of simple first aid.

With a shake of his head he thwarted her offer. "Too much glass in the wound."She'll require stitches, but she'll be fine, Elsa. It's just a deep cut. Are you alright?

I didn't answer; I wasn't going to waste the little air in my lungs on such a useless question. Of course I wasn't alright – he should know that. Yet again Anna had been seriously injured, and it was all I could do to just stand here, holding my breath. Carlisle tied a piece of the tablecloth around her arm – stemming the flow of blood. At least now she wouldn't bleed to death.

Anna's face paled, and I tried not to think about the scent that was undoubtedly making her woozy.

My father's supreme compassion showed in his soft voice. "Anna, do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?" He knew what her answer would be as well as I did, even without seeing Alice's vision.

"Here, please," she whimpered. In private, I added in my head. She thought she was hiding her weakness from the world, and probably her father, but was instead endangering herself further by remaining here. I listened to the group outside… Jasper was regaining control of himself, but still struggled against Emmett. My protective side strengthened again.

"I'll get your bag," Alice offered, keeping her distance from Anna. Her control was solid, but she knew her limits.

Carlisle nodded this time. "Let's take her to the kitchen table," he said, looking up at me.You can go, I'll take care of her.

In response I stepped forward and gently lifted Anna. She was so brave; I wasn't going to let my frailty show either.

"How are you doing, Anna?" Carlisle asked as we walked.

"I'm fine," she said automatically, but there was still an edge of fear in her voice. As there should be. Her warmth, her pulse, radiated through my arms, tempting me. A yell from outside was a welcome distraction as Jasper fought to escape his captors. He was begging to leave, to run away, his shame eclipsing the thirst he felt earlier. Alice was staring sadly out of the kitchen window, listening to him suffer. At leasther love was uninjured, I thought viciously. I could change that…

She shot me a menacing glance, seeing all the possibilities in Jasper's near future.Don't even think it, she warned as I set Anna down.

Anna tried not to grimace as we adjusted her arm on the table, always the brave one.Oh Anna, I'm sorry…Alice thought.

I stood next to my love, fighting back all the emotions and feelings and thoughts save one…she needs me.No matter how hard this was for me, she was the one in pain, and I should be here with her. The burn inside me increased as I watched another drop of blood fall from her arm onto the table.

"Just go, Elsa," Anna said, putting her needs below mine… again.

"I can handle it," I said, using up most of my remaining air.

"You don't need to be a hero. Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air." Carlisle injected her with a local anesthetic, and Anna inhaled through her teeth in pain. Needles were what she truly feared, rather than the murderer sitting next to her.

"I'll stay," I said with my last gasp of air. With my lungs empty, I would suffer with her in silence.

"Why are you so masochistic?" she mumbled, but I couldn't respond. She spends nearly all her time with the one creature who could kill her in less than a second, who desires to do so with every breath she took, and who had nearly succeeded on more than one occasion… and she callsmemasochistic?

Carlisle sided with Anna. "Elsa, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."

No, it was Alice that Jasper wanted, not me.

"Yes, go find Jasper," Anna added, finding her strength again. Was she just being selfless, or was she really pushing me away?

"You might as well do something useful," Alice added, making it three against one.Tell Jazz I'll be there in a minute.

They all knew I couldn't answer, that I'd run out of air. I considered taking a breath, but the flames rose higher, anticipating the flavor from Anna's open wound that would assault my throat.Fine. I did have a few things to say to my brother. I nodded to my love before leaving. In moments I was across the lawn and in the trees.

The first sense I had of Jasper was his shame.I could have killed Anna. She was so scared.Her fear barely registered in his memory, only a twinge compared to the ravenous desire he'd succumbed to in that moment. When his thoughts turned back to himself, my anger grew.

Esme was worrying – about Anna, about Jasper, and about me.

As usual, Royal was the center of Emmett's attention, but he too spared a thought for Anna. The sympathy of my family should have provided some comfort, but it only served to amplify my own shame. I should be with her, not trying to assuage my brother's conscience.

"Maybe weshouldlet him go, give him a head start, to make it fair. Elsa's going to be gunning for you, Jasper." Royal said.

"Stop it, Royal, you are incorrigible," Esme scolded.

There were no concerns in Royal's mind; vindication was the only thought in his head. But even he was enjoying this situation too much, and Emmett chuckled in response uncharacteristically. They were unaware that their emotions were not entirely their own.

They were gathered a few miles away, at the edge of the river. As Jasper lamented, he also plotted, wanting to hide as much out of shame as out of fear – of me. He was counting on Royal to distract Emmett long enough for him to break free. My shallow brother didn't realize that he was manipulating his emotions as he shifted his strategy away from humor.

A wave of lust filled Royal and he put his arms around Emmett's shoulders. "There's so many other things we could be doing right now," he said seductively.

This time Emmett responded without Jasper's help, and his grip loosened. In the blink of an eye Jasper vanished.

"Jasper!" Esme yelled, but it was too late. He dashed into the woods, dodging trees and fallen logs. I was already in a sprint when Emmett slipped, and was only a blur as I ran between Esme and Royal.

"You can't run fromme, Jasper," I threatened. All the restraint, all the control I'd been exerting over myself fell away, scattering like leaves before a freight train. The cool air cleansed me, dulling the burn and fueling my speed… and my rage. In two seconds I could see Jasper, in three I tackled him, taking him to the ground roughly. "Youbastard," I snarled.

I was overwhelmed with remorse emanating from my brother, and he flung me off his back. Twisting in the air, I landed in a crouch, ready to attack.

Jasper sprang to his feet, prepared for me. "You know how sorry I am, Elsa. I tried, I really did."

I lunged at him again, anticipating his reaction, and getting hold of his shoulders. "Youtried?" Why he even bothered was beyond me. This life wasn't for him. He was a hunter only, and always would be.

How is she Elsa? Is she okay?Jasper tried again to deflect my anger, flooding me with his disgrace, his self-hatred for his weakness. This time the distraction didn't work, acting instead like gasoline on a wild fire, turning everything in my vision a fiery red.

"You nearly killed her. Do you have any idea howthat makes me feel?" I yelled, shaking him violently. My heart easily mirrored Jasper's shame, adding to it all the agony, the fear, the torture I'd felt every time I'd seen Anna near death. Under a car in Forks… lying on a ballet studio floor… and just minutes ago with Jasper salivating over her. All my frustration at the impossible situation I was in – being so strong, but unable to protect the one thing that mattered most to me… desiring to love her, but dying to kill her… fighting every day against the future that both Anna and Alice constantly pummeled me with… everything poured out of me.

The force of my emotion stunned Jasper, and he stared at me with wide, golden eyes as I slammed him against a boulder, embedding him in its smooth face. "IT'S NOT FAIR!" I roared, pressing his shoulders even deeper into the stone.

His arms dropped from mine.I'm sorry, Elsa, for everything. I understand, I really do.His mind filled with memories from long ago, when his friend, his mother of sorts, Maria, tracked him down.

I tried to ignore his latest attempt to escape my wrath, but he grabbed my shirt, pulling my face close to his as he continued the memory. She'd enticed him into killing a human in an attempt to draw him back to her, and away from us. At one point she threatened to kill Alice, and I felt his fear and frustration at having put his mate's life in danger because of who he was. "I almost losther," he said hoarsely, and his fear was added to mine.

"Elsa, let him go," Esme commanded, but I ignored her.

"It's not the same, and you know it.Ididn't try to kill Alice. She is safe fromyourbrothers. You can't understand."

Jasper became defiant, pushing against my chest. "And you can't know what Ifeel. You may hear the others' thirst, read how they suffer – but I experience it. My throat burns just as hot as yours does when you are with her, hotter when you add my own thirst. Now add five other vampires to the room and it's too much to bear. It's like going through the change again, Elsa – surely you rememberthat."

"If youknew, then you shouldn't have been there in the first place," I said through my teeth.

"That was my fault, not his," a small voice said behind me. "Let him go." Alice's soft tone only strengthened her command.I should have seen this coming. If I had, things would've been different.

I stared down Jasper for another five seconds before I moved "Don't run again," I warned, leaving him to extricate himself from the granite.

"He won't," Alice said firmly.

"And you can seethat?" I sneered as I passed.

She didn't look up at me.I'm sorry. Carlisle should be nearly finished.

My anger was slowly waning, replaced by Anna's unrelenting pull. I needed to get back to her. But was it to protect her, or…

Without another word, I walked toward the house.

Royal snorted as I strode by. "Did beating up Jasper make you feel better?" he taunted.

"Roy," Emmett warned, correctly sensing my tenuous hold on my temper. He slid his arm around his husband protectively, but I ignored him.

"You can blame this on Jasper if you want – but it's reallyyourfault," he continued. I kept walking, trying to shut out his annoying voice. "You brought her here, forcing us to play your little human game. Now you know – it'll never work."

I spun on my heel and Emmett materialized in front of me. "Elsa, turn around and keep walking," he warned. "Anna needs you."

Go tend your pet,Royal added, pulling Emmett toward the others.

What a bitch,I thought, but knew better than to say it aloud. Very few people could draw foul language out of me like Royal could, and that word in particular offended Emmett immensely. Before I could stalk toward him, Esme took my arm.

"May I walk back with you?" She smiled, but couldn't hide that she was really trying to keep me from attacking another one of my siblings. "I need to clean up the living room." She encouraged me toward the house with a wave, waiting for me to lead.

I nodded, giving Royal one more warning glare before walking away. His words were more than irritating, they stung with truth. My anger turned inward, where it belonged.

Esme didn't speak, concentrating very hard on a new restoration project she was considering, but I didn't listen for long.

The image of Anna's blood screaming up from the white floor snapped me back to reality. She was hurting, and I hadn't been strong enough to just sit with her while she suffered. I couldn't even comfort her with my words… One breath of the blood-laced air and I would have been at her throat, of this I had no doubt.

One question floated above my self-loathing. Why? Why had I lost control of the beast within me? My eyes didn't see the trees as I searched for my answer.

Painfully I recalled the similarly grisly scene in Arizona. The thirst had been intense then, but I'd been in control, my thoughts consumed with saving Anna. Only when her blood actually crossed my lips did I lose myself… but she pulled me back. I shivered, remembering the ecstasy of her flavor, and Esme squeezed my arm.

She's going to be fine,she thought, only guessing at my thoughts. There was no point in correcting her.

I'd had time to prepare for that scene, I realized. For hours before arriving I'd visualized how Hans would attack Anna, how he would torture her. When I found out that he'd managed to lure her right to him, my thirst had changed to a ferocious drive to save her. Even when I'd put my lips on her soft skin and tried to drain her of life, I was still her protector; her weak voice the one thing that kept predator from consuming me… and her.

This time there'd been no warning, no time to prepare. The guardian in me was strong enough as long as there was a threat, but once Anna was safe from others,Ibecame the threat. I would always be a danger to her, no matter how controlled I thought I was.

I had to find a way to prevent this from ever happening again. Somehow I would have to find the strength to do what was right… the strength to free Anna of this world I'd brought down around her like a steel cage. I'd wrought that cage with my own hands, forged it out of my own selfish desires. Only I could remove it. Only I could take it away from her forever.

My attention turned to Anna's current state as we approached the house. I stopped at the edge of the trees, reeling from the fog of her scent filling Carlisle's mind. "That ought to do it…" he said, and I exhaled, realizing I'd involuntarily held my breath against theideaof her smell.

"It won't take me long to clean up," Esme said.

"No, I should…" Anna was my responsibility.

She stopped me with another squeeze of my arm. "I can do it, dear. You've been so strong already, let me do this for you." She didn't wait for my answer, and started across the lawn.

I tried to make myself follow, to stop her, tell her that she was so wrong… but I couldn't. Already the fire in my throat was painting abominable images of how I would find Anna, touch her, kiss her, taste her… I had to regain control before I could see her. But what then? Drive her to the brink of death again?

The false logic I'd been selling myself, that I was some kind of twisted guardian angel, could no longer fool me. I wasn't strong enough to protect her from harm with my presence, that was clear. But did I have the strength to take the danger, take myself away?

Esme paused at the glass doors, taking one last deep breath of fresh air.I'm fine,she thought, telling herself as much as me when she entered the house. Even my mother was a danger. This had to end.

My attention turned to Carlisle's thoughts and to the sound of Anna's voice as I struggled with myself.

"The rest of them don't feel the same?" The sound of her words calmed me instantly. She truly was alright.

Carlisle stepped to the sink, considering his answer. "Elsa's with me up to a point. God and heaven exist … and so does hell. But she doesn't believe there is an afterlife for our kind."How many times have I tried to convince her otherwise?"You see, she thinks we've lost our souls."

Of course we have. But this was a very old argument. What had drawn Anna into it?

"I look at my …daughter. Her strength, her goodness, the brightness that shines out of her—and it only fuels that hope, that faith, more than ever." How distorted his vision was… he struggled so hard to find some semblance of goodness in me where there was none. "How could there not be more for one such as Elsa?"

Anna's head bobbed emphatically, and I pinched the bridge of my nose. He was glamorizing me, feeding her fantastic image of us, of me.

"But if I believed as she does…" His eyes moved to hers.You are so lovely, so fragile, so trusting. She loves you so much…and he adjusted his thought. "If you believed as she did. Could you take awayhersoul?"

In the shadows I froze, stunned. My father's logic, unlike mine, was perfect. Even Anna wouldn't be able to find a flaw in his argument. I looked through Carlisle's eyes, my curiosity getting the best of me. What unexpected answer would she come up for this question?

I saw Anna's mouth open, then close, as she tried to respond. Carlisle had succinctly conveyed everything I'd been trying to say to her since she started her campaign to become a vampire. He was so much more than I could ever be.

Stymied, her face wrinkled with frustration, and I barely kept myself from smiling. Reading Anna's expressions, trying to decipher her thoughts were things I couldn't afford to do any longer.

"You see the problem," Carlisle said. There wasn't an ounce of satisfaction in his voice, only patience.And she loves Elsa, more deeply than she knows.

Anna didn't give up, shaking her head forcefully. "It's my choice."

"It's hers, too, whether she is responsible for doing that to you." Carlisle's mind drifted to each of his children, lingering on me for a moment before fixing on Royal. There weren't words to describe his regret for bringing him into this life.

"She's not the only one able to do it." She looked expectantly at my father, and I nearly choked, trying to stifle my laugh. Royal was to be the last human that Carlisle changed; he'd despised this life from the first second he'd awoken to it. When he'd brought a dying Emmett home, he literally had to beg Carlisle to infect him, cruelly appealing to his guilt over him suffering in order to get what he wanted of him. He would never succumb to Anna's juvenile pleas.

Carlisle did chuckle. "Oh, no! You're going to have to work this out withher." His mind wandered again, returning to the regret, but also remembering Emmett's joyful face when he awoke in Royal's arms. My father had felt some redemption, seeing the two of them so happy together, but the doubt always lingered. "That's the one part I can never be sure of. I think, in most other ways, that I've done the best I could with what I had to work with. But was it right to doom the others to this life? I can't decide. It was Elsa's mother who made up my mind." For the second time today I was reminded of my human mother.

I walked toward the house, knowing that Esme had finished with the first stage of cleaning and listening to Carlisle recount the story of my change. Though I'd seen my mother in his memory many times, I caught my breath at the sight of her in his mind. My memory of her was a blurry mixture of alabaster, auburn and green. What I remembered most was the sound of her voice, singing to me as I fought the fever.

Carlisle's memory was perfect, every detail of her face clearly defined. In many ways, looking at my mother was like looking in a mirror. The top half of her face, her eyes, brows, and hair were identical to mine. The difference was the color of her eyes, of course; the blue of her eyes was brilliant, full of life, even as she lingered near death. They were so human.

The rest of her soft countenance was not mine; Carlisle's brief encounter with my unconscious father verified that the shape of the lesser features of my father. My memories of him were even more vague, wisps of a past that was burned away in my conversion, my descent…

Anna was hypnotized by the tale, her face reacting with shock, concern, and compassion as he spoke. Sadly, I realized she displayed the same expressions when watching the movie this afternoon. Carlisle spun her a fantastic tale of tragic loss and miraculous resurrection, not the truthful, dark facts of the misguided judgment of a loving but delusional mother and the denial of peace by a well meaning friend. Anna saw my transition as a release from pain, from death, not as a condemnation to eternal darkness.

I blamed neither Carlisle nor my mother for condemning me to this existence; it was fate who had the cruel sense of humor.

"After all those years of indecision, I simply acted on a whim," Carlisle said wryly, verifying my assertion that I was always destined for this… life. But not her, not Anna. I wouldn't repeat the errors in judgment… her fate could not,would not, be mine. There was only one way to prevent it, I knew that now.

As Carlisle described what he'd done to me, his heart ached. I'd long since forgiven him for the injuries he inflicted, thinking they were necessary for the transformation, but he still wished he'd known that they were unnecessary. The extra pain he thought I felt was nothing compared to what I would be facing soon. As I slipped into the house, the echo of that agony flashed through me as I was bombarded Anna's sweet fragrance. The bleach Esme used couldn't hidethatfrom me.

"I wasn't sorry, though. I've never been sorry that I saved Elsa," Carlisle said, unaware of my presence. He shook his head.Especially not now.He regarded Anna's warm face, noting her drooping eyes.She needs sleep."I suppose I should take you home now."

"I'll do that," I said evenly. Anna didn't need to hear more fairytales on the way home. This world wasn't for her, and somehow I had to separate her from it… separate her from me. It was the right thing to do.

She looked at me, trying to read my face the way I'd read hers so many times before, but I wiped my expression clean of any emotion. I couldn't allow her to see my struggle, how my love for her battled against the murderous monster. I couldn't let her see that love could only win by losing… by losing her.

This would be the last time she could be here, surrounded by so much peril. Taking her from here would be the easy part. Removing myself from her life would be the impossible task. But I had no choice, now.

"Carlisle can take me," Anna said, staring into my eyes. Seeing nothing, her face fell and her gaze drifted down to her blouse, which was a shredded mess of blood and frosting. Another graphic reminder of what a fiasco her birthday had become.

"I'm fine," I said, seeing the distress in her face. I had to get more control over myself to keep her from worrying about me. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give David a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something."

I left before she could start another argument. The less we spoke, the better. I hadn't run far when I heard Alice's mind.

I'm on my way back.Esme has the perfect shirt,Alice thought, then looked ahead in time for my benefit. I drove Anna home, and parked in front of her house. When Alice tried to look beyond that moment, there was nothing. My resolve was wavering, and she knew it.

"What are you trying to decide?" she asked, coming to a stop next to me. Again the future swirled in her mind, but it was a dark fog. Though she couldn't talk me out of wanting to leave, the vagueness meant that my will wasn't strong enough yet to follow through with what had to happen.

"Elsa, you are meant to be with her," she guessed.

I responded by breaking into a run, trying to distance myself from the hope woven in Alice's words. Fate was much too cruel to allow such a future for me.

Anna's voice cut through the night. "Esme, let me do that."

Esme noted Anna's blush with a swallow. "I'm already done. How do you feel?"

"I'm fine" Anna said automatically. Unfortunately she's had to use that phrase too many times in my presence. "Carlisle sews faster than any other doctor I've had." They both laughed lightly, oblivious to the source of the humor – Anna's injury.

We stepped in, and Alice took over. "C'mon, I'll get you something less macabre to wear," she said, leading Anna upstairs.

We all knew that Anna was going to question Alice, and though Carlisle wanted to hear the answers as much as she did, he chose to distract me.

"Are you all right, Elsa?" he asked. Both he and Esme were trying to read my face, and for once being made of living stone was a good thing.

"No," I answered truthfully.

Esme thought about hugging me, but when I turned my frozen gaze on her she changed her mind.

"How's Jasper?" Carlisle asked.

"How's Jasper?"Anna echoed upstairs.

Typical, putting herself last, again. "He's fine," I said, mimicking Anna's mantra.

He frowned. "This wasn't your fault. A mistake was made…"

"Don't bother, Carlisle," I said, cutting him off. "Words are not sufficient to remedy this situation." No, something had to be done. And I had to do it. I ignored Carlisle's worry.

Anna continued her unselfishness, forgiving Jasper for his nature."It's not his fault. You'll tell him that I'm not mad at him, not at all, won't you?"

"Of course."Alice was right, as was Royal. wouldn't have been here but formyinsistence.

Carlisle continued to mull over my stolid behavior as he righted the table, but said nothing more.

Esme finished cleaning up and placed the unopened presents back on the table, wondering if Anna could still enjoy them.

Finally Anna emerged, and I stood by the front door, wanting her to hurry, yet wanting time to stop. I couldn't bear for her to be in danger, but couldn't imagine living without her.

"Take your things!" Alice cried as Anna turned to leave. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them."Will she ever find out what's inside?she thought with a grumble. Her vision had yet to clear.

Esme and Carlisle said goodnight. Everyone was watching me as I waved Anna to the door, but I refused to acknowledge them.

What are you trying to decide, Elsa?Alice thought as I turned away. Her inability to see my future only added to my worries… it could only mean that I wasn't strong enough yet to follow through on my intentions. In how many more ways would Anna pay for my weakness?

Anna nearly ran out of the house – maybe the horror what had happened was finally sinking in. No, of course not, but I refused to dwell on her unnatural reactions.

Silently I opened her door and she climbed into the truck. As we pulled away from the house, I centered my thoughts on the task at hand. Taking her home – and leaving her there. Alone.


	5. decision

The trees flew past us as I tore down the driveway, pushing Anna's truck to its limits. As if hurrying to say goodbye to Anna would make it any easier.

"Say something," she said desperately.

I couldn't mask my irritation as I replied. "What do you want me to say?"That I hate myself for nearly killing you… again?

Out of the corner of my eye I saw her shrink against the door of the truck, and I castigated myself. "Tell me you forgive me." Her voice was quiet, but her words cut me to the core.

"Forgiveyou?For what?" She couldn't possibly be trying to take responsibility for this appalling situation. Absurd.

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened," she said.

There was no way she could put this on herself – I was the one who dragged her here, forced her to endure a party she didn't want, surrounded by blood-thirsty monsters. "Anna, you gave yourself a paper cut—that hardly deserves the death penalty." If she'd been anywhere else it wouldn't be an issue. Suddenly my mind filled with an image of the party Anna should have had…

"It's still my fault," she pressed.

Her insistence brought my guilt into sharp focus, and the words spewed out. "Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Makayla Newton's house, with Jeremy there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage. If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own—without someone throwing you into them—even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Makayla Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up—and she wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time she was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Anna. It will only make me more disgusted with myself." The steering wheel creaked under the stress of my grip, and I barely avoided crushing it in my hands.

"How the hell did Makayla Newton end up in this conversation?" she demanded.

"Makayla Newton ended up in this conversation because Makayla Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," I snarled. Makayla Newton was an ignorant child who was hardly aware of the world around her… but she was infinitely better for Anna. She would never be driven to hurt her – to kill her. As much as it turned my stomach to imagine her holding her, Makayla Newton—or someone like her— was who Anna should be with… not me.

"I'd rather die than be with Makayla Newton! I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."

Would you have me kill you?

Alice's vision of my Anna with blood-red newborn eyes showed me the awful answer. "Don't be melodramatic, please," I said to her, trying to contain my self-directed anger. I had to quell these emotions, lock them away along with the love, the longing I had for her. We were close to her house now. I had to say goodbye.

"Then don't you be ridiculous," she snapped.

I had no response. When the truck came to a stop in front of her house, I continued to stare out the windshield, willing myself to say the words. The words that would rip my heart out.Goodbye, Anna.

But silence was all I could muster.

"Will you stay tonight?" she asked timidly. Her simple request sapped what little strength I had.

I remained frozen, looking away.No, I won'tI tried to say, but my heart betrayed me. "I should go home." And never come back. It's what is right.

"For my birthday," she begged, and I knew I'd lost. With only a few words she destroyed my plan, pulling me, and the danger I posed, closer when she should be pushing me away. But it was clear that I couldn't leave her… not yet. Part of me rejoiced, yearning to reach out to her and hold her close. The other part of me was shamed. In time Iwouldprotect her, this I swore.

"You can't have it both ways—either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other." The argument was as weak as my resolve. Why couldn't I just sayNo!

"Okay." She heard my capitulating tone, and the relief in her voice shredded my will. "I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs." With her good hand she opened the door and jumped down. I didn't move – making one last weak attempt to extract myself from her life. She turned back and awkwardly gathered her gifts.

"You don't have to take those," I said, finally looking at her. The contents were not something that she would need after I was gone.

"I want them," she said without thinking, then paused, scrutinizing my face.

"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you." And the other one is from me… she'd made it abundantly clear that my gifts were the least desirable thing in her mind.

"I'll live." A half smile crossed her lips as she slammed the door shut, preventing any response. She had complete control over me. If only she would tell me to go, then there would be no issue. But that was the weakness talking – she wasn't responsible for this situation – I was.

I exited the truck and snatched the burden from Anna's arm. "Let me carry them, at least," I said in defeat. Perhaps I should just concede my weakness tonight, and try again tomorrow. "I'll be in your room."

"Thanks," she said with a brilliant smile.

"Happy Birthday," I said with a sigh. Was there another way? I leaned down, unable to resist brushing my lips against hers. When she strained to stay in contact as I pulled away, a genuine smile filled my face, displaying the love I had for my perfect angel. But then I ran, knowing what that love required of me.

Before she'd even opened the front door I was through her window and seated on her bed. As I waited in her room, I questioned my judgment again. If Carlisle had taken Anna home, I wouldn't be sitting here. I could have disappeared into the night, vanished without a trace. She would be confused when I didn't show up for school tomorrow, but she would remember the last time I disappeared. Would she wait, expecting me to return? Or would she search? Where would she go…Alaska?

No, it was wrong to sneak away like a coward. She deserved peace, closure. I couldn'tjustleave her – had to free her of me. I had to break our connection; make her understand that this goodbye was different, that it was forever.I had to do the impossible.

Her voice floated up the stairs, filling me with a completeness I knew I would crave every day for the rest of time. I indulged myself for a moment, remembering the same fulfillment when she first said she loved me as she slept. It'd been a dream to me as much as it was to her, I realized, and it was coming to an end. If only the dream would fade from my memory the way it would from hers.

I heard Anna say a nervous goodnight to David as she nearly ran to the stairs. A question formed in her father's mind, though I wouldn't have known it's exact content if he hadn't given it voice.

"What happened to your arm?" David asked.

"I tripped. It's nothing." Anna's ability to lie had not improved, but David was distracted by the TV.

"Anna," he said with a sigh.

"Goodnight, Dad," she said, then rushed up the stairs. The bathroom door closed loudly, and the water went on. I picked up Carlisle's gift to Anna and ran my fingers along the sharp folds, trying to avoid thinking about the beautiful woman changing a few feet away… and the fact I was too weak to truly make her safe. I loved her so much – but I was pathetic.

Moments later she swept in, oblivious to my mood.

"Hi," I mumbled.

"Hi," she said, displacing the presents and planting herself in my lap. The heat of her cheek against my chest was electrifying, and I couldn't resist wrapping my arms around her. Again she took control of me, chasing the struggle from my mind.

"Can I open my presents now?"

"Where did the enthusiasm come from?" I asked, unable to fight any more tonight.

"You made me curious." She picked up the package from Carlisle and Esme almost gleefully, and I felt a flicker of happiness. It was still her birthday, after all, and if she could finally find some joy in that fact, I would not be the one to squelch it.

I took the present from her. "Allow me." There would be no more blood spilled tonight. I unwrapped the present, tossing the paper neatly in the wastebasket next to her tiny desk before returning the narrow box to her exquisite fingers.

"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" she said sardonically. The box opened easily, and Anna lifted the white vouchers out and held them so they would catch the light. She squinted at the cards, her brow wrinkled with confusion. She read silently, her face relaxing, then becoming jubilant. The sight was stunning.

"We're going to Jacksonville?" she nearly squealed.

"That's the idea." But no,wewouldn't be going.

"I can't believe it. Renée is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day." Her excitement was lovely. I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth – that she'd be going alone. Not today, not on her birthday.

Instead I responded, "I think I can handle it." So itwas only my gifts she rejected out of hand. I frowned. "If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain." Even now, after so much time spent with her, I couldn't predict her reactions.

"Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!"

Her exuberance was contagious, and I actually chuckled. "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize you were capable of being reasonable."

She reached for the last present, the nearly deadly package, but I snatched it away. There was no way she was going to touch her fingers to this paper ever again. Once unwrapped, I handed her the home-made CD. The silver of the disc glinted in the weak light.

"What is it?" she asked, genuinely confused.

In answer I grabbed the CD player on her bedside table and slipped the disc in. Would she appreciate this gift, or find it childish compared to the airline tickets sitting on the bed? I pushed 'play' and watched her intently.

The music filled the room, and she froze. Even without a clear vision, Alice had assured me that Anna would love this gift, but her reaction was curious. I remembered when she'd heard the song for the first time, sitting at my piano. The same expression had painted her face then, and she had been just as speechless. That image was forever marred by the memory of the bright red stain on the carpet next to the instrument.

When she broke out of her trance this time, she rubbed her face. When I realized that it was because tears were welling in her eyes my heart broke – did the music remind her of the trauma of just an hour ago? How I'd carelessly injured her?

I glanced at her arm and at the yellow antibiotic stain surrounding the white bandages. The anesthetic must be wearing off – that must be causing her tears. And I keep causing her pain.

"Does your arm hurt?" I knew where the Tylenol was; I should have gotten something stronger before I left Carlisle.

"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Elsa. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it." She pressed her lips tightly together and leaned a little closer to the CD player.

Another unpredictable response from my love… my music had brought her to tears. She'd heard the song so many times emanating from my lips, and yet this reproduction touched her heart, probably because it could be here when I wasn't. Would she listen to it and cry after I was gone? Leaving wasn't going to be as easy as disappearing into the night… I could see that now.

But this moment was about her, not me. "I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here."

"You're right." She touched her bandage gingerly, probably without realizing it.

"How does your arm feel?"

"Just fine," she said, of course, but I could see her face reddening from the stress of the discomfort.

"I'll get you some Tylenol." I would get a prescription for something stronger from Carlisle in the morning. There was something wrong with that thought, but when Anna grimaced again, only one thing mattered. She was hurting.

"I don't need anything," she whined, but couldn't hide the ache in her eyes as I set her gently on the bed next to me. The pills were in the bathroom, and she would need water as well.

When I reached the door she hissed, "David," and I had to smother a laugh. I could run down the stairs and out the front door without David seeing me… I may as well have been in another state, sneaking around up here.

"He won't catch me." In two of her heartbeats I was back at her side, handing her the pills. Thankfully she didn't argue – her arm must really hurt. This had to be the last time…

"It's late," I said. With the music still playing, I carefully lifted her off the coverlet and resettled her under it. Foolishly I lay down next to her. Just one last time, I told myself. She snuggled against me, resting her head on my shoulder and sighing contentedly. And I wanted this to last forever.

"Thanks again," she whispered.

After everything that'd happened, she was thankful. "You're welcome." She fit so perfectly against me, like she was made just for me. So right.

No. It wasn't right, it was selfish. To take this warm, vibrant life and corrupt it with my darkness was the ultimate sin. But was it right to just disappear? Leaving would protect her from the physical damage I continually cause her… what about the mental anguish? There was no doubt she loved me, and that my leaving would break her heart. How could that be right? What aboutmyheart?

The CD became silent momentarily, then Esme's song began. I remembered how my mother had accepted Anna unquestioningly into our family. My feelings were her only concern in the beginning – how Anna improved my life – but she had come to regard Anna's welfare as important as any of ours. I hoped that Esme would see that my feelings were no longer of any consequence. Even questioning how leaving would make me feel is wrong. I once told Anna I would hurt myself by leaving if it would keep her safe. Noble words at the time…could I live up to them?

"What are you thinking about?" she asked over the music.

"I was thinking about right and wrong, actually." And how weak I was, knowing the right path but unable to force myself down it.

She tensed under her thin quilt. "Remember how I decided that I wanted you tonotignore my birthday?"

What was she scheming? "Yes."

"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again." My frozen heart trembled in response. I shouldn't…

"You're greedy tonight," I said to the both of us.

"Yes, I am—but please, don't do anything you don't want to do," she said, her voice laced with irritation.

I laughed. Her attempt at reverse psychology was as pathetic as one of her lies. Of course I wanted to kiss her. I never wanted tostopkissing her. It was leaving that I didn't want to do. But there wasn't really a choice. I sighed. "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do." I put my hand under her chin and drew her to me.

Her mouth was warm, and as always, eager. The heat of her desire met the fire of my thirst, fanned by the sweet taste that permeated me, even through my sealed lips. The strength I'd been searching for reared up, and my heart flew to my throat as I realized this should be the last time I'd kiss her. I pulled her closer, trying to convey all the love I had for her through this last embrace. As her body pressed against mine, my chest tore open, and I learned that heartbreak was not a metaphorical term. My heart ripped open… I couldn't breathe from the depth of the agony, and my eyes tried futilely to tear. No, I couldn't do it… I couldn't go… she was my life.

A small voice in my head put words behind the strength, their simplicity cutting through the pain.Let her live.

Somehow I pushed my Anna away, and the first piece of my heart ripped away with her. She lay on her pillow panting, as I was, though my labored breaths were an attempt to suppress my sorrow, not control my lust. I tried to lock the emotions away. It was her birthday – I couldn't subject her to this pain tonight. "Sorry, that was out of line."

"Idon't mind," she said breathlessly. When her eyes opened, they sparkled with life up at me.

I love you so much, Anna…Those were the words that rested on my tongue, but I banished them. It wasn't fair to encourage her, either. "Try to sleep, Anna."

"No, I want you to kiss me again." The flush on her face was so exquisite; I had to make a fist behind her head to keep from stroking her cheek. So many reasons to stay…

"You're overestimating my self-control." In so many ways.

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" She tried to make light of the way she attracted me… literally like a moth to a flame.

I considered her question, trying to compare the burn in my throat to the ache in my chest. At first it'd been her blood that drew me, but now, there was so much more. When I remembered the softness of her lips, the excitement that filled me was not due to thirst, but to lust. The warmth of her body called to mine, inviting my skin to find hers… but it also reminded me of the radiant pleasure of her blood flowing over my tongue. For every temptation her delicious blood posed, there was an equally seductive enticement offered by her flesh. Everything about her seemed to have been created with my desires in mind.

"It's a tie," I said, smiling in spite of myself. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?" If onlyI'dbeen created to love her, rather than destroy her. Fate was a cruel vixen.

"Fine." She slid close to me again, draping her injured arm over my shoulder. Her breath began to slow almost immediately, ebbing and flowing over me with her enticing scent. The lump in my throat burned with thirst, as it always would. It was reality's calling card.

I had to leave – weallhad to leave. Only then could Anna be safe from me, from the danger I brought into her life. But how could I? The resolve I'd felt in her kiss was evaporating quickly as I held her. I couldn't just walk away. She was as much a part of me as my hands, my legs, or my heart.

Anna took a deep breath and shivered as she relaxed. I pulled the quilt a little tighter around her, trying to trap more of her warmth against the chill of my icy skin.One more reason to separate myself from her.

I'm so sorry, my love.Her bandaged arm now became slack on my shoulder, no longer needing the cool relief she'd been subtly seeking.I've caused you so much pain, my head ached.

But I protected her. She'll be fine,my heart replied.

This time…

Anna took a deep breath, interrupting my thoughts. Her heart beat strongly in my grasp, and I tried to focus on its soothing rhythm and drive the argument from my mind. My path was clear, and I needed to get the most out of these last minutes with her.

Carefully I stroked her hair and enjoyed the faint, artificial remnants of strawberries that lingered. For the longest time the smell of Anna's shampoo had been lost behind the supreme power of the scent of her blood, but now I could discern it as a separate aroma. I could even distinguish Anna's own scent of freesia and lavender separately from the incredibly sweet smell of her delectable blood. My lungs filled with the bouquet, and I slowly committed every minute detail to memory.

Her hair was so silky, and my fingers slid effortlessly through her light red tresses. On this last pass, a single hair came free in my fingers, and I lifted it away carefully and grimaced. Even now, barely moving near her, I caused her damage. It was so wrong for me to impose myself on her life. It had to stop, and there was only one way it could. I had to go.

All my decisions had been about what I wanted. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to touch her warm skin. I wanted to kiss her luscious lips. I wanted to give her a birthday party, when she wanted to have nothing to do with it. And I wanted to spend the rest of her life by her side. What I wanted was so wrong. And then there was the greatest evil, the one desire that defined a monster in me even greater than the bloodsucking murderer I was. The image of my Anna as a cold, dead vampire appeared and the self-centered creature I was narrated the image.You could have her forever…

No. This demon would not win and doom her perfection to eternal night. The fact that she agreed with the evil side of me only exacerbated the situation, but I fought them both.

I looked at my love, peacefully sleeping. As a vampire, she wouldn't enjoy this comfort – there was never any such peace for me. So many things she would lose just to satisfy my selfishness. It was so wrong for me to even consider damning her like that. I had to let go.

Carefully I rolled the errant hair between my fingers. This would be the last time, the last night I could be with her. She had to be safe. I would never put her in danger ever again. The right thing was for me to leave, to take my world away from her so that she could live the normal, human life she was meant to live; and to ascend to the afterlife she deserved. There could be no more argument.

As I held Anna for the final time, I let the full weight of my decision sink in. My presence would not be the only thing that had to be removed from her life; all traces of my cursed world must be eliminated. My family would have to leave too. Only Alice would try to argue – she had developed a friendship with Anna that she'd never had with any other human. She clung to the visions she'd had of Anna becoming immortal, but those would change. I didn't look forward to seeing what the future held now

It was nearly time to start over anyway, so this change wouldn't be that hard for Carlisle to manage. I'd never asked much of my family in the past, and I'd given up much for them. They would grant me this one favor – in truth, they would probably embrace it. The lie I'd told myself; the outright lie, that somehow I could make Anna happy had affected them, too. They would be relieved to be free of that obligation.

My lungs filled again with Anna's sweet scent, enticing the burn in my throat, and I heard David stirring downstairs. I could tell from his nebulous thoughts that he was happy with the outcome of what he'd seen on TV, and that he was exhausted. He would be heading to bed soon. I had let go. I had to lethergo.

With that one thought I was overcome with grief. It was time. Gently I pulled my sleeping Anna as close as possible and buried my face in her hair. Her breathing didn't change, and she tightened her arm around me again.

"I love you so much Anna, please forgive me," I barely whispered. She took a deep breath.

"Elsa," she said, still asleep. The word cut me like a knife, and I shook with a tearless sob. I will never be the same without her.

"Anna," I choked. I heard David's heavy steps at the bottom of the stairs, and I knew I had to release her. Once I did, I wouldn't hold her like this again, ever. "Sleep well, my love," I whispered, but the words faded to nothing on my lips. My chest trembled as I inhaled, and then I loosened my arms. As I slid my arm from in under her fragile body, she rolled away from me. If only she'd release me this easily when she was conscious.

David was outside her door, and I sped into the far corner, as far away from Anna as possible. The light from the hallway illuminated her for a moment as he looked in on my angel. "Good night, sweetheart," he said softly, just like he did every night. He would take care of her when I was gone. He would be the one to comfort her after I hurt her one last time.

The door closed, and David trudged off to the bathroom. Anna still didn't move, and she lay turned away from me, sleeping peacefully. My arms begged to hold her one more time, but I wound them around my own chest instead. The decision was made. I had to start living with it.

I stood there, unmoving, for a long time, unable to take the final step and jump from her window. All I could think about was her, how much she had changed me in these past few months. This one human girl had somehow chased away the monster in me, and wrapped herself around my cold, silent heart. So much happiness she'd brought me, and I'd brought her nothing but suffering in return. Anna deserved so much more. I had to give her the chance to find that life she was meant to have.

But I couldn't leave.

Woven into my every thought was the burning desire to take her back in my arms. My whole being craved her closeness, and even this small separation tore at me. How would I be able to leave? How could I stay?

By the time the sun started to rise, my throat ached from the lump that had been there all night long. I'd tried to force myself to leave, but couldn't. During her dreamless hours I'd convinced myself that there were many things that had to be done in order to remove myself from her life, and that my family needed time to make the transition as smooth as possible for them. Selfishly I'd told myself that I would ease myself out of Anna's life, but it was a poor excuse for the fact that I was too weak to just walk away. And with my cowardice came the chance I could injure or kill her…

The green LEDs on the clock showed 6:30 – time for Anna to rise. Normally I would be holding her, and wake her with a kiss, but not this morning. I took another breath, but the air did not fill me. Slowly I knelt down next to her bed and touched her warm, bare shoulder. The moment I did a shiver raced down my spine. How many touches were left?

"Anna, time to wake up," I said softly. This was another last – I wouldn't stay with her tonight. Not if I stood any hope of departing permanently.

She rolled to face me, her beautiful eyes fluttering open. Slowly she focused on my face. "Good morning," she said, and smiled sleepily.

Anna reached out her hand to touch my cheek, and winced in pain.I caused that, I reminded myself, and caught her hand before she could touch my face. "Careful, Anna, your stitches…" I said.

She looked at me warily and frowned. I needed to go. The longer I stayed, the more I questioned my decision.

"I'll let you get ready for school. See you there." She grimaced again, and rubbed her temple with her other hand – it was clear her head hurt, too. I bent down to kiss her, and barely avoided pressing my lips to hers, quickly kissing her forehead instead. Still so selfish. Even with this innocent peck, her scent became a taste on my tongue, her pulse gently throbbing against my lips. It took all I had to pull myself away from her warmth as I turned and leapt out her window.

My head automatically turned back and I glanced up at her room before turning for home. The first link had been broken.

As I ran, my mind began to create the list of tasks that accompanied a relocation of this magnitude, hoping to find a distraction from the ache in my chest. Since Royal, Emmett and Jasper had already moved, at least to the human eyes around us, the bulk of the transition would fall on Carlisle's shoulders. He'd done this many times, so it shouldn't be too much of a burden. Esme would follow Carlisle no matter where he went… and then there was Alice.

The indecision of last night undoubtedly had Alice watching and guessing at what I was planning, and I knew she would be against it. Her friendship, her version of loving Anna had skewed her view of right and wrong as well. She was so convinced that Anna was meant to become immortal that it was irritating. Alice had no memory of her human life, so she had no reference as to what the cost to Anna would be. She would feel like I was taking her sister away from her. I wasn't looking forward to facing her.

The house was close.

"Alice, are you sure? She wants toleaveher?"Emmett's voice rose in pitch with his disbelief.

"Yes, I'm sure. Her mind seems set, for now."An image of me climbing the stairs of the porch blinked through her thoughts.You're an idiot, you know that?my sister thought for my benefit, knowing I was close by.

"It's about time."Royal was annoyingly cheerful.

No, Elsa can't throw this away. Poor Anna, this is going to devastate her. These last thoughts from my mother hurt the most. The hardest part of leaving was the knowledge that Anna would suffer yet again because of me. She would probably come to loathe me for wasting so much of her short life.

No, she wouldn't hate me. She didn't hold grudges, nor did she stay mad for long. I knew her better than to expect anything different. Anna moved past her ill feelings towards others – I'd seen her do it time and time again. But her short human memory and forgiving nature would allow Anna to move past me, allow her to easily find someone else to make her smile. I tried to find some hope in the fact that she would live a normal life without me, but I only felt grief – and jealousy for her next suitor.

I reached the steps, and the door opened. "Alice," I said, unsurprised by the glare she focused on me.

"This won't work, you know," she jeered, and a crystal clear image of my Anna dressed in a long white gown filled her mind. I was there too, holding her hand, sliding a ring onto my love's slender finger.

"Stop it, Alice, that's just your imagination." She'd seen this vision on and off all summer, because it was a fantasy of mine. I'd once toyed with the idea of proposing to Anna, but never acted on it. The image only steeled my resolve. Shewouldmarry some day, but she would marry a human. I clenched my teeth at the thought of Makayla Newton or tyler crawley standing in my spot. "That is not my future – it never was."

"We'll see," she said in an insolent tone. She closed her eyes, concentrating on me. I cringed, afraid of what she would see.

The first images were exactly what I feared. I was at school with Anna, in class after class, staring mindlessly at the instructors. How many days would it take for me to finally do what had to be done? The scene changed, and became blurred. A figure huddled on the ground, but there was no way to tell who it was.

"You're not as sure of yourself as you'd like us to believe," she muttered as I passed her.

I snarled as I stomped past her into the living room. The couches were full – only Jasper was missing. All eyes turned toward me as I moved toward the wall of windows. I didn't meet them at first, collecting myself after Alice's onslaught.

"I assume Alice has told you what I'm planning." I took a breath and turned around and looked at Carlisle. Everyone else deferred to his lead, waiting to see where he stood.

His face was drawn. "Yes. It is your intention to leave Anna. Don't you think that taking yourself out of her life is a drastic step?"The lump in my throat returned.

"Anna should never have been exposed to our world. It has nearly killed her several times already. She needs to be allowed to live the human life she was destined to." I kept my voice even, emotionless.

"She makes you so happy, Elsa. You make each other so happy. Surely there's another way?" Esme said. The lump grew, and I tried unsuccessfully to swallow it.

"No, there is no other way, Esme. It's not fair to Anna to be in constant danger, and it's not fair to you to have to pretend to be something you're not."

Esme looked down. She had as much trouble as anyone being around Anna, fighting her thirst like the rest of us.

"I still say it won't work, Elsa. You're tied to her in ways you can't even understand. You're not strong enough to leave – I told you that in the beginning. I've seen the future that should be." Alice refused to accept the wisdom of my decision, seeing only her own selfish desires. Her obstinance only pushed me harder down the road I knew I had to travel.

"Oh yeah? You also saw only two futures for Anna last spring – immortality or the grave. Seems your visions aren't what they used to be." I refused to let the memory of that horrid day return.

"You'll come back, if you manage to drag yourself away," she said doubtfully.

"Watch me," I growled. In many ways my sister was just as stubborn as Anna, and this was just a warm up for argument she would make.

Carlisle didn't say anything, quietly watching our exchange, analyzing my reactions. He was trying to decide how dedicated I was to this plan. He knew me too well.

I sighed, turning to logic again. "Alice, your visions aside, I can't just stand by and watch Anna continually broken because of us. I have to protect her, and right now, we are the most dangerous thing in her life." Alice looked at me and set her jaw; I wouldn't be able to convince her. There's more than one way to spin this…

"How's Jasper?" I asked quietly.

Her face changed, and I heard everyone's thoughts turn to my brother. He hadn't returned since he nearly killed Anna last night, but Alice knew where he was, still fighting his shame.

"He's fine, he just needs some time," she murmured. Her lie didn't fool anyone.

"You should be with him. Maybe you two could go up to Denali. The hunting is plentiful this time of year." Whenever Jasper had a crisis like this, it took time, Alice, and a lot of distraction to bring him back to the family. Removing Alice from Anna's life now would be easier for me as well – she would not want to lie to Anna, and probably would just urge her to make my leaving impossible. I felt another stab of pain in my chest at the thought of Anna begging me to stay.

"I'll go after school," she said.Anna won't let you do this. She loves you – she lovesustoo much.

"No, you should go now. This is between Anna and me, your presence will only complicate the situation." I looked at her darkly. "Don't make it harder for her or Jasper."

Alice's eyes widened. "You want usallto leave," she whispered.

I looked at Carlisle again. "Yes."

The atmosphere in the room became charged. Each member of my family considered the implications of my request, and the fact it was the first time I'd asked anything of this magnitude of them. Even Royal couldn't come up with another instance.

"No argument here," my least favorite brother sneered.It's about time you let this fantasy of yours go,he thought. I frowned at him. he had been boycotting Forks for a while, dragging Emmett to the furthest corners of the earth because he resented Anna's presence. At first it was just my fault, for falling for a measly human, but when everyone else accepted Anna easily, and that's when Royal went on strike.

At my announcement his mood became exuberant. Though he would miss this rainy corner of the world, and its nearly endless days of sunless weather, he was already celebrating his return to our family. he was happy to be rid of the human I loved, even if it meant moving.

"Roy, calm down," Emmett scolded.I'm sorry it can't work out. She seemed so right for you.He briefly wished I'd allowed Anna to turn in Arizona, but knew that my love for Anna would have been tainted forever by regret. As he remembered how I'd saved her, he straightened up.You're stronger than any of us, ya know?"If you think it's the right thing, Elsa, I'll do whatever you ask." No one could ask for a more devoted brother.

Alice's mood turned somber, realizing that she would not see Anna again before we left.

"And what about me, Elsa? I love her too." Her eyes flashed with betrayal.

"Then you should understand better than anyone how it is only right to leave. She has suffered so much because of us, because of me."

"You're just too stubborn to give her what she wants, to make her safe," Alice retorted, seeing Anna in her mind as her immortal sister.

My teeth ground together. "It's so easy for you to want to take away her humanity – something you have no memory of at all. Anna has no concept of what she's giving up, and neither do you." She rolled her eyes. "What about David? You were the one worried about him in the beginning – how killing Anna would kill him, too. Has that changed?"

Alice paused, remembering that first disastrous day and how she'd warned me that David would have reacted if Anna had disappeared from his life. Her expression softened. She'd grown attached to Anna's father, too, and didn't want to hurt him, either. When she started to argue again, Carlisle decided to step in, silencing us both with a single raised hand.

"Anna's humanity is not at issue here," he said sternly.

"Our leaving will make her safe," I said through my teeth.

"But I can't even say goodbye?" she whispered, and I frowned, seeing only misery in her face.

"You know that Anna won't let you go, either, Alice. It'll be easier for both of you this way," I said softly. She didn't understand the gift I was giving her – not having to see Anna's eyes when she heard the worst word…goodbye.

Alice's expression changed again and she glared up at me. "I thought you loved her. How can you treat her like this?"

My anger took over. "Idolove her – more than you can possibly imagine. Why do you think I'm doing this? It's not about me or you – it's about what is right for Anna. That's all. It isrightfor her to be able to live her human life. It isrightfor her to have friends that don't have to fight the urge to kill her with every breath they take. It isrightfor her to be able to sleep, dream, and have a family. This is what isrightfor her. Period!" I shouted.

"No, it'snot," she shouted back, then turned on her heel and left. I knew she was headed to find Jasper, and that it was time for me to get ready for school. Alice was luckier than she knew – I didn't look forward to the pain I would endure over the next days… and for the rest of my existence.

The silence was filled by questions in Esme and Emmett's mind, and Royal's gloating. They looked to Carlisle who was looking at his hands. His thoughts were a tangled web of past memories, second guesses, and concern. He wanted more time.

"Carlisle, how long do you need?" I asked.

My father looked at me sadly.To move?I nodded once. "We can leave today, if that is your wish," he said.How much time doyouneed?He studied my face intently as I tried to say the words that were right.

I failed.

"I would like some time to say goodbye." Like an addict unable to admit their dependency I tried to hide behind excuses to extend my fix.

Carlisle frowned, easily reading the weakness in my eyes.You are still uncertain, I can tell."I see. Very well, would two more days be long enough?"

"Yes." My mind instantly calculated the number of hours, minutes, and seconds that such a schedule would leave me with Anna. It was more than I had a right to ask for.

We will speak about this tonightElsa.Carlisle was unconvinced of my resolve, and I knew that this was not a request. He would understand, though. After hearing his discussion with Anna, he couldn't help but agree with me.

With another curt nod, I headed up to my room. I had to change, and get ready to face Anna… and begin to say goodbye


	6. separation

I parked the same Volvo in the same spot in the same parking lot as yesterday. Nothing looked any different than it had a mere twenty-four hours before, but everything was. Things had been so different, so innocent then. If only I'd acceded to Anna's wishes, let her have the quiet birthday she'd wanted, maybe… But no, this would have happened sooner or later. I was lucky that Anna left her disastrous party with only stitches and not a tombstone.

The déjà vu continued as Anna pulled up next to me, though the look on her face wasn't one of consternation today. I knew she was staring at me, trying to read my mood. When her pulse accelerated I was tempted to see what emotion her face displayed, but I looked away. No, her feelings, her thoughts, were not my concern any longer – only her safety. As I opened her door I glanced at her injured arm. Hidden beneath layers of fabric, no one else would know what I'd done to her.

"How do you feel?" I asked, not realizing in time how dangerous a question it was.

"Perfect," she said, nearly spitting the word at me. She slammed the door of her truck as I took her backpack. Without a sound, we walked to class. As much as I'd dreaded having to make conversation with Anna, her silence was infinitely worse. And her irritation was palpable.

Even though my throat burned hotter than Hades, I shivered. For the first time in my immortal life I felt cold. I deserved her silence, and had no intention of breaking it, but it was a wall between us, a long-forgotten barrier. That first wall had fallen so easily – but this one couldn't. It had to stand forever, separating me from her warmth. I should be cold – it was what I deserved.

But still I fought against the truth. I ached to feel her warmth against me, knowing that a single kiss could dazzle her out of her sullenness. I opened the door to our first class, and as she walked past, her heat washed over me. My hand rose, nearly touching her back, but I stopped it just in time, stuffing my betraying fist into my jeans. No. If she was ready to cut me free, all the better.

Anna's mood did not improve all morning. I kept my eyes straight ahead, pretending to be engrossed in whichever teacher was before us, but really focusing all my attention on my peripheral vision. I was fooling myself, thinking I was ignoring her, and I guessed that she knew it. Anna shifted every few minutes, checking the clock or adjusting her sleeves. When I asked about her arm, she shook me off, as averse to speaking as I was. She seemed distracted, as uninterested in the lectures as I was.Stop trying to read her…

As I walked her to PE, I handed her a slip of paper. On it I'd forged an excuse from physical activity in Carlisle's handwriting. "Here," I said without looking at her.

Anna took the paper from me without a word, careful not to touch my skin. We'd come full circle, I realized, remembering that first touch in Biology last year. I had avoided her touch then, she avoided it now. She was so perceptive, was she aware that I was slowly saying goodbye?

Our longest conversation came at lunch when Anna inquired about Alice's whereabouts. When she heard that Alice was gone, Anna's face contorted in to an expression of shame and hurt. My resolve was tested again – I so wanted to put my arm around her and comfort her, tell her that everything would be fine, but of course it wouldn't. I could ill afford to hold her – once I put my arm around her I wouldn't want to let her go. She had to have her life, safely away from me. It was the only right thing.

The last class of the day was hardest, one of the few I didn't share with Anna. I spent the hour trying to make myself compose the words that I would say, the final goodbye. When I imagined myself walking away that final time, there was a new thought woven into the agony. What would I do with myself once I left? Where would I go? Far away…

My mind drifted back toward Anna's class, hoping for a second-hand look at her, and I chastised myself again. No matter how far I traveled, she would always be the center of my world, constantly calling me back. What could possibly draw my thoughts away from her?

Finally the bell rang, ending the torture.

I met Anna outside her class, and we walked quietly to her truck. Her mood had shifted, maybe to frustration? Without asking, I would never know. I half expected her to scold me, remembering a vague promise I'd made her so long ago…

"…warn me beforehand the next time you decide to ignore me for my own good…"

I'd found the request humorous at the time, actually happy that she'd found my lack of attention distasteful. It was just one of the many promises that I'd broken, that I would break. But I'd never promised to stay indefinitely… "I'll be right here as long as you need me," I'd said. Clearly she didn't need me to injure her any longer. She didn't need me to kill her.

As we reached the truck, she was the one to break our silence. "You'll come over later tonight?" she asked. Her tone was sure.

I should know why she wasn't expecting me to follow her home, but I couldn't fathom the reason for the change in her routine. What was she doing this afternoon alone? I scrambled to remember what was special about today, even though it shouldn't matter. "Later?"

"I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off." She seemed proud to have caught me unaware.

"Oh," was all I could think of to say. I'd planned on spending the afternoon working at her kitchen table on homework that was a waste of graphite and paper. Then I would leave her before dinner for the night, taking the next step in my extended goodbye. Tonight she would sleep alone.

Anna having to work presented only a minor deviation in my plan. Adaptation was a yet another strength of my species, so I should be able to handle such a trivial change in stride and say goodbye for the day now, rather than later. But breathing became impossible at the thought.

"So, you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?"

No, I'll see you tomorrow.That's what I should say. What difference was a few hours? But there were so few minutes left, how could I give up even an hour? I wondered if she could hear the weakness in my reply. "If you want me to."

"I always want you to," she said with such conviction that I had to work to keep my face expressionless.

I'll always want to."All right then," I replied flatly, and helped her into the truck. As with every goodbye, the urge to kiss her overwhelmed me, but as I had this morning, I avoided her mouth. Her forehead was warm, and wisps of her hair formed a fine curtain between her skin and my lips. My eyes closed automatically, shutting out the world around me as I savored this small taste of intimacy. Surprisingly, my thirst was no where to be found, and my lips were the only thing that were warmed by the kiss.

I retreated to my car, straining to keep my eyes forward, refusing to watch her drive away. The sound of her truck couldn't be ignored, though, and I heard the brakes squeak as she prepared to turn out of the parking lot. The thoughts buzzing around me were drowned out by her vehicle's fading thunder as she made her way into town.

My hands rested on the roof of my car as I listened to the sound fade into nothingness.

Elsa looks even worse than at lunch. I wonder what happened? She looks like she lost someone dear.

Angela Weber's kind concern was closer to the truth than she could possibly know. She smiled warmly as she passed, and I nodded at her before diving into my car. But it wasn't Anna who was dying, it was me.

The parking lot was nearly empty, but I didn't start the car. Where would I go? I couldn't handle sitting outside Newton's and listen to the thoughts of my most likely successor, but my ears ached to hear Anna's voice again. I turned on the stereo, trying to find some distraction. The music I'd grabbed on my way out this morning filled the car: Mozart'sRequiem.

If I can't even fill these few hours away from Anna, how would I manage days, weeks,decadesaway from her? My heart became a heavy stone in my chest as I pondered my future. There had to be something I could do that could lighten my burden, if only for a little while. I was so lost in my thoughts that when the passenger door opened I jumped.

"Wow, I startled Elsa. Take a picture!" Emmett said as he lowered himself into the seat next to me.

"What areyoudoing here?" Emmett was the last person I would expect to be pestering me – I couldn't believe Royal'd let him out of his sight.

"Come on – we always used to spend Anna's working hours together." He remembered fondly the time we'd spent together alone, and looked forward to spending more time with me. The prospect of fun didn't ease my trepidation.

"Hey,youwere the one that went into hiding. I'm surprised Royal doesn't have you busy planning your next excursion." My words came out sharper than I'd intended.

I'm sorry I haven't been around, Elsa. I've really missed you.

His regret was genuine, and triggered my remorse. "No, I'm the one who should be sorry. I always resented the way Royal has you wrapped around his finger, but I guess I can understand it." My world was ruled by one person as well.

The perils of being in love,he thought, and I looked away, the weight in my chest becoming unbearable.

"So what are you doing, sitting here listening to this dirge? Let's find something fun to do before I have to leave." So this was a brief respite before **Royal** stole my brother away again.

"Where are you going this time – back to Africa?" I tried to put some enthusiasm into the question.

"No, New York, I think. We'll stay with you guys and help set up the new house. Royal's helping Esme pick colors… for linens or curtains, or towels, or something."Like who cares whether the walls are cream, or off-white, or vanilla.

"You're such an insensitive oaf, Em. Don't know you know that Esme's favorite color is light almond?" My attempt at teasing fell flat, though.

It kills me to see you so down, sis. Isn't there something that I can do to help you?

I sighed, blowing cold air over the steering wheel. "No, I don't think there is. Without her there is no joy for me. I don't know what I'm going to do after I leave."

I'll be there for you, Elsa, I promise. We'll find something to keep your mind off of her.

Stunned, I looked up at my brother. "You're not trying to convince me to stay?"

He grunted. "I told you that I would support your decision, didn't I? I get it, sis, I do. You're trying to protect Anna the best way you know how. I'd do the same thing for Royal, no matter what Alice or Esme, or evenyoumight say. I didn't go to Africa on my own – you know that. But I live for him, I livebecauseof him. I just wish you could have the same happiness."

"You don't think I should turn Anna?"

"It'd be a helluva lot easier if you did… but what I think doesn't matter, does it?"

I couldn't speak. Emmett really did understand, and for one brief moment the heaviness lifted.

He shifted and started to poke at the radio, needing to lighten the mood.Course the hunting in Africa was awesome. You'd love a leopard. They're a challenge to track.

Rap music filled the car, and I groaned. "This isnothelping, Emmett." The incoherent words and pulsing base were enough to give even an immortal a headache.

Every one of his deadly white teeth showed as he grinned back. "Bet you're not thinking of her now," he nearly sang, and reached for the volume.

I slapped his hand away and shut off the music. "Don't…"

And what are you going to do to stop me?He crossed his arms with a smirk.

His attempt to distract me nearly succeeded, and I had to admit that not everything about being a vampire was a curse. I would've never had a brother, let alone one as true as Emmett, had Carlisle not made me immortal.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do, Em… and thanks. But I don't think I'll be good company." He shouldn't be burdened with me.

Not even for a little while? We're flying out in a few hours…

"No, you go have fun. I'll be okay," I lied.

His face fell, and he opened the door.No, I don't think you will, Elsa. I hope I'll see you soon.It was clear in his mind that he didn't really expect to see me… possibly ever again. For all his humor, Emmett's view of the world was very clear at times.

"Bye, Em," I said quietly. He was right, I wouldn't enjoy his company soon, if ever. I started the car, not knowing where I was going, reviewing Emmett's words. Maybe Africa would be a good place to start – it was about as far from Forks as possible. Though I doubted that tracking a leopard would be that difficult for me.

Tracking… the word brought back more unpleasant memories. The last tracker I'd encountered had tried to take Anna away from me, and I still regretted that I hadn't been the one to rip his head off. His other companions had fled; Laurent before the fight started, Gerda after it'd ended. She'd stayed loyal to Hans until the end. She was as vicious as he was.

Gerda was still out there, somewhere, hunting humans. It was doubtful she would ever return to this part of the country for years – nomads ran from exposure, making only trivial attempts to mask their kills. Knowing that this area was claimed by our family would be enough to keep a single vampire like Gerda from venturing here again. But she would find other victims, and I knew from her memories that she was brutal with them.

When I realized that I'd parked at the curb in front of Anna's house, I knew I'd found my distraction. Hunting Gerda could be the one thing that could keep my mind off of Anna. Maybe…

Looking at the tiny house, and the old lace curtains hanging in one window in particular, all other thoughts vanished. I could remember every time I'd scaled the wall and opened the window, entering the only heaven I'd know. I turned the CD on again, trying to find some relief from my own memories.

Thankfully David arrived home early, and invited me in. "Anna'll be home soon," he said, looking at his watch. "Ya hungry?"

I just shrugged, and followed him into the house. We exchanged pleasantries about my classes and the quiet day he'd had at the police station. All the while, I was bombarded by the images and temptations of the past. The house carried Anna's scent in its walls, the floor, in its very essence, and the aroma inflamed my throat as always. We sat in the kitchen – the place where I watched her live.

I remembered the pleasure that filled her face when she would sample her cooking; the blush when our hands would touch as we did the dishes; and feeling of unadulterated joy I felt every time she greeted me at the back door, her blue eyes endlessly deep with adoration. It was wrong of me to be here, waiting for her, but this was another piece of my love that I would part with tonight. She wouldn't see me here again. Her life would be her own, untainted by the evil world I bore like a second skin.

David was unaware of my turmoil, and pulled out some leftover pizza while we waited for Anna. I actually had to choke down a couple bites when he eyed me curiously. I hadn't dined with him alone before, and it seemed like he was surprised by my lack of enthusiasm for the food. I couldn't be sure though, and the obscurity of his thoughts were another reminder of the mystery of Anna's mind. Everything led back to her in this place…

Thankfully, dinner didn't last long, and we moved into the family room. As we passed the stairs leading up to Anna's room, I couldn't stop the memories from goading me. In my mind she bounded down the stairs, looking utterly amazing in my favorite dark blue blouse, literally falling like a feather into my arms. I pushed the image away before it could continue…

I sat in the chair – David's normal spot – but he didn't complain. Anna would be home soon, and if I was on the couch she would sit next to me, testing my resolve again. David switched on SportsCenter and slipped in to quiet concentration on the scores as they were displayed on the screen.

He was commenting on the Mariners bullpen when I first heard the truck. She was home.

She ran across the yard, her footfalls a soft padding on the walk. The door hit the side of the house as she entered. "Dad, Elsa?" she called, her voice frantic.

I bit the inside of my lip, hearing her tone. But it was David that was responsible for caring for her – I could no longer fill that role.

"In here," David replied, not responding to her urgency. She appeared, surveying the room with worry in her eyes. She calmed when she saw me, but I didn't meet her gaze.

"Hi," she said timidly. I didn't move, afraid to respond and lose the battle that my body was waging to jump up and hug her.

A hint of confusion wove through David's mind, but he didn't even glance at me. "Hey, Anna. We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay," she said, and I felt her eyes still on me. She didn't move, waiting for a greeting from me. I had to say something.

I looked at her and smiled, remembering my manners. "I'll be right behind you," I said, then tore my eyes away. Another lie – I wasn't going to leave the chair I was in until I went to the front door.

She sensed my deceit and stared at me, motionless. Eventually she turned on her heel and sprinted into the kitchen, ripping another small piece of my heart away as she did.

The chair scraped against the linoleum as she slid it out from the table and sat down. I couldn't see her, but I could hear her every movement. David asked me something about the football stats on the TV, and I answered, not paying much attention. Anna was just sitting in the kitchen. I hadn't heard the pizza box open, nor had the disgusting smell of pepperoni intensified. Her breathing was labored, and her heart was racing. What was she thinking about?

I crossed and uncrossed my legs, fighting the urge to go to her, and thankfully she calmed. Whatever had bothered her must have resolved itself. She was strong, she would heal. I heard shuffling in the kitchen, and hoped she was finally getting something to eat.

As I settled into the chair again, wishing for the same ability to recover, her pulse jumped again. I tensed, but she rushed up the stairs to her room. I caught a glimpse of her face as she flew by, and determination was all I saw.

The next sounds I heard should have surprised me, but the clicking of the phone camera was just the sort of unpredictable reaction I'd come to expect from Anna. At least something good was coming from her birthday presents.

I was beginning to worry that I would have to go upstairs to say goodnight to her, when she came down the stairs, much slower than she'd gone up. It was the phone that reappeared first, as Anna snapped another photo.

I didn't react, but she had my full attention. She insisted that I take one of her and her father, and I began to grow suspicious. Anna wasn't one for sentimentality, why this sudden interest in preserving the moment?

David volunteered to take one of the two of us, and I lightly touched her shoulder, posing for the picture. She wrapped her arm tightly around me, and I wondered if she'd learned of my plan to go. Had Alice gone to her at work?

I forced my lips into an empty smile when the phone camera flashed. Thankfully David put a stop to the photography after that, and I sat back down, in the chair. Just a few more minutes, then I would go. I kept my eyes on the TV, and away from the stairs only a few feet away.

She sat next to me, on the floor, her breaths coming in fits and starts. There was no scent of tears, so she couldn't be crying—what was distressing her?

It was me, of course. Be it fear, anger, or just frustration, my presence had to be what caused her discomfort. I rose to go.

The sight of her on the floor, wrapped in a ball, crushed me. She was so small, so vulnerable, and she was trembling. Why was I putting her through this? "I'd better get home," I said, hoping she'd be relieved.

"See ya," David said absently.

Anna slowly unfolded herself, leaning on the couch to keep her balance. The urge to help her up was hard to beat back, but as she reached her feet, I exited out the front door. I made a beeline to my car, while she scrambled to keep up.

"Will you stay?" she asked, but her depressed tone told me which answer she expected. As much as I'd hoped that she'd wanted me to go, it was apparent that the opposite was true. I wouldn't be a coward this time, though.

"Not tonight." Not ever again.

The rain began to fall with my words, providing the tears I couldn't cry.

Anna didn't make a move to touch me, but stood back, her arms crossed over her chest. She held all her emotions in, just as I did, watching as I got in and drove away.

I tried not to look at my mirrors, but I couldn't resist. Anna stood motionless in the rain until I was out of sight, silently imploring me to return to her side. Very few of my nights had been spent away from her; I'd only left to go hunting. The thought of spending this night alone, without the sound of her heartbeat to comfort me, brought the lump back to my throat.

It had to be this way – she had to be safe…

Anna wouldn't let go easily, and I would have to hide the rest of my feelings from her if I was to convince her to go on with her life without me. That was tomorrow's task, though; tonight's was facing my father


	7. domestic disturbance

As I approached the house, the only mind I could sense was Carlisle's. Alice must still be with Jasper; Esme was on her way home from dropping Emmett and Royal at SeaTac airport. Carlisle reviewed one of his favorite medical texts as I parked. He noted my arrival, but didn't stop reading until I stood at his door.

Come in.The tone of his thoughts was calm. Carlisle rarely became angry, and I didn't expect his temper to rear its head tonight.

Have a seat.I also didn't expect to hear Carlisle's voice; with no one else present, he chose not to use it with me. It was a silence I needed to get used to, Anna's sounds would soon be gone from my life forever.

Carlisle evaluated my appearance, and skipped the preamble he'd prepared.You look terrible, Elsa. This plan has not fared well for you.

"No, it hasn't. Butmywelfare is not at issue here, Carlisle, you know that." I looked him in the eye, determined.

Why do you feel that tearing yourself out of Anna's life is the only choice? Treating one injury by causing another is never the answer.He imagined how Anna would feel when she realized that I was leaving her, vividly picturing her tears.

My teeth came together with a snap. "Please, spare me the visuals." I took a slow breath; getting angry served no purpose. "The closer I get to Anna the more injury I cause her. You have been witness to the most graphic examples. This last time it wasn't even an external threat, it was my ownbrotherthat nearly killed her - due in large part tomyextreme thirst. And in my weak attempt to protect her I maimed her. Surely you can picturethatin your mind."

Carlisle looked away, unable to stop the memory of me throwing Anna into the table, of Anna lying in a cacophony of broken glass, frosting, and her own, sweet blood from appearing. My jaw tightened as he winced at the recollection.And you won't even consider alternatives?

Alice's voice rang through his mental ears,"She will become one of us, and soon. This vision won't leave me Carlisle - it's one of the strongest I've ever had."

If you stayed just another year, you could be together forever. I would even consent to helping you, Elsa.

I looked down, overwhelmed by Carlisle's proposition. Never had the thought of turning Anna entered his mind in my presence. He'd been adamant that Emmett would be the last. Only once had I seriously entertained the fantasy of asking, but it was not something I'd ever really considered doing. The fact he would even offer to change Anna stunned me, especially in light of her physical health.

"You would damn her soul to hell, for me?" My word choice was intentional, and Carlisle knew it.

You know my views on that subject. And honestly, it would not be easy for me to do.Carlisle sighed; this offer was not made in haste, and it became clear he'd spent many nights thinking about it when I'd been with Anna.But it is obvious that she is meant to be with you, Elsa, and it seems that she is meant to become an immortal. She doesn't understand what she would be giving up, which is why she needs the time with you. Perhaps you could convince her otherwise, but you have to be with her to do that.

I remembered when Anna bluntly asked Carlisle to change her, little more than twenty four hours ago. "Why didn't you volunteer this service to her yesterday?"

As I told her, this is between the two of you. But should you and she decide that immortality is her destiny, I'll assist you, if necessary. You know that I will do what ever you require of me.

My mind swam with the love Carlisle felt for me, and the memories of Alice's visions of a pale, crimson-eyed Anna. The temptation was so great... and I covered my face with my hands. No, it is wrong for me to dwell on this; she doesn't deserve to suffer in the sleepless, dreamless, hell I was consigned to.

"I can't doom her to my empty existence, Carlisle. She deserves to live, not suffer this unending thirst, fighting the monster within, every second of every endless night. She deserves the heaven I cannot give her." If I could cry, my eyes would be tearing. The thought of her soul being barred from paradise pierced my heart like a stake.

You are more than that monster, Elsa; your ability to love makes youso muchmore. If you weren't, she would have died long ago.Carlisle's eyes softened.The fact that she is alive and in love with you proves that you arenota monster, Elsa. You have risen above the thirst.

"Perhaps. But in realizing that, I know that it is notmylife,mydesires, ormysafety that matters. And my love for her dictates that I have to do what ever it takes to give her whatshedeserves, to protecther." A mental silence formed as Carlisle tried to choose his next words. Another point occurred to me, and I broke the pause first. "When you look at your family, Carlisle, if you could make us human - give us back the life we should have had - would you dothat?"

Carlisle looked away, at the paintings behind me and frowned. His mind sped through the possibilities of what my brothers and sister would say if given the choice to become human. Royal would jump at the chance, and Emmett would follow, without question. Jasper's path was not as clear. He would do almost anything to free himself of the torment of his talent, but wouldn't want to give up the strength and speed that allowed him to protect Alice. Alice had always wondered about being human, but her decision would hinge on Jasper's. Esme would stay with Carlisle, be it as vampire or human. He then looked at me, knowing my choice would be as easy as Royal's.You would choose mortality with her.

Without hesitation I answered. "Yes." The future that could never be flashed before me. Holding Anna with arms that couldn't crush her, kissing her without poisoning her, sleeping -dreaming- of her, and growing old with her. What I wouldn't do for such a future.

The same thoughts paraded through Carlisle's mind.If only I could bestow such a gift.

He had to see that she deserved that human life. "By leaving, Iamgiving her that gift. She can have that life we all should have lived," I said.

Carlisle's face drooped in resignation, and I knew the discussion was at its end.Very well. We'll do as you ask. Esme has found a suitable residence in Ithaca, and has started the necessary arrangements. Is there anything else you need?

"Can you speak to Alice? She is clinging to a future that will not happen, and she needs to leave Anna as much as I do. Please ask her to let Anna go."

Why don't you ask her yourself?

"If she comes back before you leave, I will." I looked away, anticipating his next question.

You are not coming with us?

"No."

Shock coursed through Carlisle's mind.You can't isolate yourself, Elsa, it will only be harder for you. Come with us so that we can help you heal, too.

"I'll catch up with you," I said half-heartedly.

I want your word on that point, he thought sternly.

"I have a few things to do first, but once those tasks are completed, I'll find you." By then, maybe, my heart would heal... but I doubted it. Just the thought of being near my family, hearing their happiness, their completeness with each other, knowing I would never share that joy, made my chest ache. No, I would never return, but Carlisle didn't need to know. I turned to go.

He noted my lack of commitment with a frown, but decided that it was a discussion for another time.What will you do tonight? Your mother will be home soon.

I stopped at the door and pinched my eyes shut at the thought of facing Esme. Without turning around I spoke. "I'm going for a run."

Worry filled Carlisle as I left. Esme's thoughts danced on the fringes of my mind as I exited the house and sprinted away - away from the only family I had.

The forest was dark under the waning moon. Only a hair's-breadth of white shone down as the moon's glow was slowly eclipsed by the earth's shadow. How appropriate, as I was about to push myself out of the only light I'd known.

Anna lingered in my thoughts as always, and I quelled the memory of carrying her weightless body on my back as I ran. I was alone, and would be until my end. I focused on the one task that had yet to be finished - the one thing that might provide a distraction - Gerda.

As much as I hated to admit it, I would need Alice's help to start my search. She could show me where Gerda was headed, give me that first point to begin from. Then I would track the nomad. She wouldn't know that I was coming, so she wouldn't be able to hide for long. As I made my plans to search for her, I found a little peace from the constant pull of Anna's spirit - until I realized where I was.

The light ahead of me brought me to an abrupt stop, and as I stood at the edge of the trees I faced a tiny house with a police cruiser in the driveway. Like a moth drawn to a flame, even when I ran away, I ran to her.

This is so wrong... I tried to turn and go, but my feet wouldn't obey. Her breathing and her pulse were audible from where I stood, and held me in place as if they had shackled me to the ground. I couldn't stop my eyes from finding her window - the portal to my love.

This had to be the last time I came here - Imustdeny myself these temptations. It was so wrong for me to be here.Just one last night, my heart cried.

No, this had to end, my mind argued. Finally I managed to shift my feet and began to look back into the trees when I heard her.

"Elsa, don't," she said in her sleep. "Tell me...please." My heart felt like it would explode, and I'd walked into the yard before I pulled myself up short.

"I love you, Elsa," she sighed in the darkness. The pain was so intense that my vision blurred. It would take less than a second for me to be by her side, feeling her warmth, watching her peaceful face, breathing her scent. She was restless, tossing and turning, continuing to mumble my name. I had to go.

Try as I might, I could not make myself run away, it was as if I was tearing my own arm off to leave, and I couldn't do it. Trembling, I forced myself back to the trees, only to sit in the damp greenery, pulling my knees to my chest. Here I would listen, going no closer. Each beat of her heart reminded me what I had to do; that I had to go. And yet, the gentle pulsing begged me to stay, to love her and protect her fragile heart.

27,630 beats later, the darkness gave way to a pale pink as the sun rose. I rose with it, finding a sad pride in not having fallen to her temptation, even when she woke, sobbing. The pain I was causing her had to stop.

Never again would I come here, and I let this latest bond slip away as I turned and ran. Only one night left.

When I arrived back home I said nothing, and Esme just watched as I went upstairs. Carlisle had spoken to her about honoring my decision, and I heard him quietly remind her as I'd entered. She was trying to avoid thinking about me, busying herself with packing, but her thoughts still drifted to me at regular intervals. Anna's face also floated through her consciousness as Esme mourned the loss and suffering of the girl who could have been her daughter.

I changed, and as I did I tried to convince myself to skip school, to stay away from Anna. I'd made it all night without seeing her... but instead of making it easier for me to leave, I only craved her company that much more. Carlisle needed another day to finish the preparations for the move, and I wouldn't leave until I knew that my family was gone.Take this last chance to be with her,my selfish heart argued... and I headed to my car.

At school, I couldn't help but meet Anna at her truck, and when she arrived, my entire body exploded with longing for her. My absence last night made me even more sensitive to every aspect of her. My thirst burned hotter than it had in recent memory, and I swallowed the copious venom that filled my mouth at her approach.

Her blood is what I want most of all,I reminded myself,sheismy natural prey.

I managed to keep my eyes off of Anna for most of the day, and said hardly a dozen words to her. All the while the emotional upheaval raged in me; the joy at being with my love, the despair of separating myself from her, and the dark apprehension of the looming final farewell.

My only contact came when she was so distracted in English that she didn't hear her name after two attempts. I whispered the answer, unable to stomach the scolding she would get for not paying attention. She responded, avoiding any further questions from the teacher, and I went back to shutting myself off from her. Why was I even here? I should have left by now... this was just prolonging her discomfort. But I owed her that last goodbye...

At lunch Anna pulled her phone out of her backpack and handed it to Jeremy. Soon the roll of film was full of idiotic shots of the adolescent humans around me. Seeing the camera flash reminded me that I needed to erase all evidence of my existence in Anna's life, and I sadly realized that I would have to visit her room one last time. It was not something I looked forward to.

The school day ended, and I saw Anna off, again with nary a word, and without a kiss. Thankfully she didn't ask if I would be visiting her tonight; the answer would not have pleased her. I left the campus and drove to a distant entrance of the national park. With time tokillon my hands, I planned to do just that - and sped off into the forest to hunt. I would need all my strength to finally leave Anna, permanently.

This hunt was a chore, and I took no pleasure in it. The deer were too easy to find, too easy to kill, and too soon I was finished. My animalistic side never really took over, and the whole exercise was competed with the efficiency of a machine. So much for trying to distract myself. I considered forcing myself deeper into the park and hunting for larger game, but knew the results would be the same. After filling myself with deer blood, I made my way home.

Before the house even came into view I knew who was waiting to meet me. Alice and Esme were talking, and as I neared, Alice began to repeat the memory of visions she'd had of Anna through her mind, knowing I would see them. Surprisingly, Jasper was with them, quietly attempting to read. He was jumpy, anticipating my arrival. His worries revolved around Alice, though, not himself. What was Alice planning to say to me? I slowed, and considered turning around.

Don't bother, Elsa. No matter when you come back I'll be here,Alice threatened. Through Jasper's eyes I saw her frown, and Carlisle's mind shifted from the newspaper he was reading to her.

"Alice..." he warned as I parked.

I came in through the kitchen, and didn't stop on my way to my room. Alice's rebellious thoughts hadn't ceased, and she put voice to them. "Do you know what this is going to do toher,Elsa?" she sneered before I could reach the stairs. Her mind filled with an image of Anna curled in a ball, crying in the dark. It was impossible to tell where she was, surrounded by blackness.

"Stop it Alice. You think I don't know that she is going to suffer again because of me?" I said sharply, and started up the steps. The image was brutal - seeing Anna so alone, so sad because of me. At least this would be the last time Anna cried on my account.

"What aboutyourfuture, Elsa?" Alice said, raising her voice. Her mind filled with an image of me in a ball this time - but I was already familiar with that feeling. "You aren't going to be in any better shape."

The pain in my chest exploded, and I squeezed the banister so hard that I left a handprint in the solid oak. Slowly I turned around to face my sister. "You can stop watching me as well. If you must look ahead, then show me where I'm going." I snarled. A black-headed vampire flashed through my mind briefly, and I ground my teeth together.

"You know it doesn't work that way-I can't just shut you out. You think I haven't tried before?" Her tone became accusatory. "You think that you are an island; that your life doesn't matter to anyone, even to us. Quit being such a martyr, Elsa."

As Alice vented, Jasper tensed, and Esme and Carlisle prepared to intervene, but she didn't stop. "I don't think you even know how to be happy. You find the perfect mate, and then throw her love away like it's a piece of garbage." At her words I stepped toward her, my fists clenched.

Carlisle stepped in front of me as Jasper sprang in front of his mate. "Alice, that's enough."Calm down, Elsa, he thought.

Don't threaten her, Elsa,Jasper thought vehemently.

"I thought you were her friend," I bellowed back. "Itreated her like garbage?" I glared at Jasper, and Carlisle put his hands on my shoulders. "You're the one who'd throw her humanity away like it's a worthless piece of refuse. 'Just a quick nip, Elsa, that's all it'd take,' you said, like she was a flask of brandy. And you have the gall to call hersister?"

"STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!"Esme screamed at the top of her lungs. The sound, shrill and fearful froze us all in our tracks. "I can't take this any more." She rushed past me up the stairs and slammed the door of her room. I covered my eyes with my hand as I listened to her thoughts.

Our family is falling apart around us. Why? What have I done wrong? All of my children are hurting... and there's nothing I can do. They don't deserve this...the thoughts shrieked through Esme's head as loud as if she were still shouting right next to me. They easily overwhelmed the concerns of everyone else. She cried tearlessly, and her outburst only added to the agony I already felt.

It was all my fault, and I just continued to inflict pain. Now my mother was grieving, too. I had to get away from everyone.

"I'm sorry. Carlisle, you'd better go to her. Please tell her I'm so sorry for hurting her, too," I said softly and turned back to the stairs.

"Elsa please, this isn't the way," Alice pleaded, and Carlisle paused, waiting to see if he needed to intercede again.

"Regardless of what you think, Alice, this is my call. I need your promise that you will stay away from Anna."

"But..."

Carlisle turned to her and Jasper, raising his voice for the first time in years. "No more arguing." Alice swallowed, recognizing our father's frustration, and his tone quieted. "You may not agree, Alice, but the decision has been made. Do you intend to honor it, or defy Elsa's wishes?" He peered down at her, hoping she would give up her crusade, even though he thought she was right.

Jasper took her in his arms, whispering so softly in her ear that neither of us could hear him. She nodded.

"We promise to honor Elsa's request to stay away from Anna," Jasper said solemnly.

"Alice?" I knew she was trying to find a loop hole, something that would allow her to contact Anna, but she finally gave up.

"I promise."But I'll be right behind you when you come back.She reviewed a different vision she'd had, one of Anna wrapping her arms around me, both of us dressed in the gold of Forks High School's graduation gowns.

The conjecture had to stop. "And don't be looking for her future, either. We've done enough damage. There's only one thing I'm interested in," I said, ignoring her thoughts. She already knew what I was planning to do, and could provide me the starting point for my search, if she chose to.

She turned on her heel and picked up a suitcase that had been sitting by the door. In her mind I saw Gerda stalking a tent in the wilderness. As the black-head tore the shelter open and attacked the occupant, I saw a map next to the victim, the title clearly visible. "Thank you," I said before I flew up the stairs to my room. I closed the door behind me, but still heard the conversation downstairs.

"Carlisle, do you want me to go to Esme?"Jasper said. He was ready to calm her, if necessary.

"No. Just meet us at the house."Carlisle replied, putting his hand on my brother's shoulder.Maybe having everyone else around her will help, he thought.

Jasper nodded somberly - his plan to sulk back into solitude put on hold.

Alice gave one more thought to our mother as she considered saying goodbye, but took Jasper's hand. The only future she could see showed Esme crying in Carlisle's arms. "We'llbe there," she said. On the way to the garage she got in one more parting shot.All of this will be for nothing...

I tried to block out the sounds and thoughts as Carlisle consoled Esme, but couldn't, and suffered with them. Eventually he convinced her to go for a walk, and they too exited the house. I was alone.

So much strife I'd caused. Hopefully there would be peace for everyone once I'd gone.

It was only a few hours until school, and then it would be time to say goodbye to Anna forever. My legs began to shake, threatening to collapse as the prospect of eternity without her crushed me. I took a deep, unnecessary breath and tried to pull myself together.She had to be safe, I reminded myself. My feet finally began to take commands again and I moved to my computer.

After a quick search, I found the area I'd seen in Alice's vision, as well as what may have been one of Gerda's previous victims. It wouldn't take me long to get there. She wouldn't be taking human life for much longer.

After scanning a few articles about killings in the same area, I selected my destination. The computer screen blinked off and I moved to my closet.

I reached deep into the back corner, finding my large, black leather satchel. It had been a long time since I'd used a bag like this; it was reserved for long trips away from home. A very similar bag was on my shoulder the day I left Carlisle and Esme nearly eighty years ago to embrace the monster within me. Esme had cried that day, too.

The lump in my throat reappeared, but I hoped that it would be easier for her this time. Her family had grown so large since then, and all of her other children would stay. They would make her happy again.

I randomly selected some clothes and packed them in the bag, then retrieved the small box containing my extra IDs and money. After sorting through the stack of passports, credit cards, and driver's licenses I selected a few and put them in the bottom of the bag, along with a stack of cash. I then slipped my black leather jacket off its hanger and emerged from the closet.

There was another box on the shelf-the one that held the few trinkets that reminded me most of Anna. The thought of taking it vanished as soon as it appeared. The last thing I needed was more reminders of her; I already saw her face every time I closed my eyes. I emerged from the closet and glanced around my pitiful room once, looking to see if there was anything else worth taking. The shelves containing my CDs and my very few books stared back at me, but neither held any interest. The hunt would be the only reason I would exist, and after I found my quarry, I would wait. As I extinguished the light and closed the door to my room my chest became an empty void. My life, what it was, would end all too soon


	8. the end

After such a stressful night it was almost a relief to drive into the parking lot of the school. Today was the last day – the last day I would see her, the last day of what I could call my life. But she would live a much longer, much happier life, without me. Any pain I suffered would be easy payment if she could live the human life she deserved.

Her truck pulled up, and I couldn't stifle my first reaction. I smiled at the thought of her arrival, anticipating the first wisps of her scent, the electricity of her touch. Quickly I looked down before she could see. I'd succeeded in separating myself from her over these last days; I couldn't indulge in these thoughts – not today. I prepared for the onslaught on my senses as she parked.

When I looked up my eyes were empty again. Anna came around my car, her face drawn. She could feel the coming change, I could tell, but she was fighting. Part of me wanted her to resist, to keep me from leaving, but I carefully locked those selfish thoughts away. She deserved better than me.

"Good Morning," Anna said without feeling. As I lifted her backpack off her shoulder I put my other hand in my pocket, preventing her from wrapping her fragile fingers around mine. My throat began to burn intensely; my time away from Anna had weakened the resistance I'd built up against her delectable fragrance. Memories of that first, fateful day filled my mind, but amazingly, the monster remained in check. I swallowed and nodded, not quite meeting her stare. She sighed and we walked to class.

Her face was filled with a new determination today, and though I tried to ignore the set of her eyes, I couldn't. I sneaked peeks all during class, looking for clues to what she could be thinking. I justified my curiosity as preparation for what was coming after school. Even now as we sat in class I could see the wheels in her head turning, trying to understand what was happening. She was trying to read my mind as hard as I'd tried to read hers.

The silence between us continued, and I regretted that I couldn't hear her voice more on this last day. Every second with her was agony knowing that there were so few left, but also ecstasy since I deserved none of them. Finally I walked her to her last class, one we didn't share.

"Will I see you after school?" she asked, and I hated the fear I caused in her eyes.She should fear me,I reminded myself.

"Sure," I said nonchalantly. She frowned, and turned, entering the building. I sighed as she disappeared. The rest of the afternoon would be filled with the two tasks I dreaded most: collecting any evidence of my presence in Anna's life, and saying goodbye.

Class started all through the school, but I headed into the forest. Without thinking, I automatically made my way to Anna's house. Even though it was a nice day for a run, the trip brought me no joy. Nothing would bring me happiness again, not without her. My throat tightened as I approached her house.

I reached for the key under the eave, rather than heading to her window. There were too many memories that surfaced at the sight of that simple pane of glass, and I couldn't afford to dwell on them now. Quickly I ran up the stairs.The faster I get this done and get back, the better,I thought, but I couldn't help but stop as I entered her room for the last time.

It felt like it had been so long since I'd been here, even though it'd only be a couple of days. I almost expected things to be different somehow, but they weren't. Everything was exactly the same, and it hurt all the more.

Get to work, I told myself. There was only one reason I was here: to erase myself from her life. The fewer reminders she had of me, the better. Perhaps there was some wisdom in Anna's insistence that I didn't give her any gifts… there was little of me here to collect.

There were her birthday presents. I easily located the tickets and removed the CD from her player. For a moment I struggled with the idea of removing the radio from her truck, but discounted that idea. It wasn't from me, after all, and leaving a gaping hole in her dashboard would cause more problems than it would solve. The same was true of the clothes that filled her closet courtesy of Alice. It was only MY existence that needed to be removed, so she wouldn't follow after me. She wouldn't chase after the others.

I looked around again, and spotted her photo album on the floor.The pictures she took yesterday…

I took a deep breath and tried not to think about the bed I sat on, about the nights spent there, holding her…DON'T…

Gingerly I picked up the book, opened it, and was greeted with the first photo she'd taken. I stared at the picture, not recognizing the face—my face—smiling up at me. It was before – when I was still innocently happy. I snatched the photo and turned the page. As I studied the photos from school, I found myself in the background of most of them, so I decided to remove them all. She could easily take new ones. Then I turned to the last page.

My silly Anna… I couldn't stop the thought as I stared at the folded photo. Again I was confronted with my own image, recognizing this dead face. I pulled the photo out and turned it over, revealing her.This is side that mattered, I thought. Briefly I ran my finger over the image, wishing that there could possibly be some way I could stay. For a second I considered taking the picture with me, but as much as I was taking myself out of her life, I needed to keep her out of mine. Reminders like this would just tempt me to return.

Only her writing was left on the pages, my name inked below an empty frame. I couldn't erase it, and though I considered blacking out the words, I chose not to. This one thing I would leave. It was selfish, but she would probably tear the page out herself. I set the empty book back down on the floor and prepared to go. I collected the items I was taking and looked around one last time, picking up the negatives that were sitting on her desk. There was nothing else I had to find, to take. What would I do with these reminders?

I couldn't dispose of them – they still belonged to Anna regardless. And I couldn't take them with me… As I stood the floor creaked under my weight, and I looked down.

The loose floor board came up easily, revealing a small space between the joists. Somehow the thought of leaving these memories behind, so close to her, comforted me. She would never know, but I would. One last selfishness…

As the board slipped back into place I realized that my heart was being sealed in to the tiny space as well. I would never be whole again. I stood, took one more look, then ran out of the house.Goodbye, I thought, and steeled myself for the end.

Classes were nearly over, and I decided to sit in my car and wait out the final minutes in the parking lot. I flipped open the glove box and perused the CDs there. One by one I took them out slowly, reading each word on the paper inserts. None of them piqued my interest, but by being so deliberate I managed to pass the few minutes until the bell rang.

Only a few moments remained of my time with her, so I went to meet her as she exited her class. Forcing my eyes ahead, we walked to her truck. I couldn't help but steal a glance at her as we walked, and I could see resolve forming on her face. She was preparing to fight. How I loved her…

But I had to stop this. "Do you mind if I come over today?" I asked, trying to stay detached. Her look became startled.

"Of course not."

"Now?" I asked too quickly as I opened the door of her truck.

Anna became wary. "Sure. I was just going to drop a letter for Renée in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."

I glanced at the envelope on the seat, stuffed so full it was barely sealed.She'd had double prints made.In a flash I grabbed the letter. "I'll do it, and I'll still beat you there." I managed a smile, but she didn't return it.

"Okay," she said and I closed the door for her.

The letter was heavy in my hand as I walked to my car without looking back. I would have to be fast to get this safely locked away with the other memories before she arrived. Thankfully the parking lot was jammed behind me and I raced to her house.

There was little time, so I did what I couldn't do before and leapt through her window. I carefully opened the envelope and removed the photos, quickly placing them under the floor. The flap of the envelope now invited me. It had opened easily enough – Anna hadn't sealed it well – and all I had to do was re-lick the glue. I closed my eyes as I lifted the flap to my lips.

This would be the last taste… and I let my tongue drift over the paper. In this one moment I remembered her kiss, but the flavor was so strong, it brought back much more. My mind filled with the taste of her – that one terrible taste I'd had in Phoenix, as she lay torn between death and transformation. The euphoria her blood had brought me, and the monster that it called to returned in a flash.Iamthat monster, and that is why I must leave.

Time was nearly up; Anna would be arriving soon. I finished sealing the letter and the floor, and didn't bother looking back this time. Slipping into my car, I hid the letter under my traveling bag in the passenger seat and turned on the radio. I covered my eyes with my hand, trying to focus on what had to happen in these last minutes.

Anna was no fool. It was obvious that she was worried that something was seriously wrong, but my true intentions appeared to remain a mystery to her. It was clear that she would resist me. She wouldn't understand that this was the right way – the only way to keep her safe. She would be hurt by my words, and the thought of her sadness was like a knife in my heart.

How would I do this?Wherewould I do this? In all my trepidation, I hadn't considered where we'd be standing when I made that final break. I'd assumed it would be here at her house, but as I envisioned standing on her porch, in her kitchen, by her truck, nothing felt right. How could I taint the places she lived with such a despicable memory? I wanted to remove any reminders of me, not leave an indelible stain that she would have to pass every day.

My eyes drifted up, across the lawn and to the crack of trail that broke the edge of the trees. Anna hadn't traveled that way since I'd warned her about the dangers in the forest months ago… and it held no positive memories for her, as far as I knew. That was the spot, then, just at the head of the trail. Perhaps my goodbye would discourage her from ever treading that path again, keeping her just a little farther away from the dangers lurking in the woods.

I reached down and turned off the radio. The music had been no help, only serving to remind me of what I was about to give up. I realized that my one refuge would no longer hold any peace for me. The ache in my chest intensified, but what I felt didn't matter. Only she mattered – her safety. I tried to breathe as I heard her truck approach.

Anna looked uneasy, parking at the curb. As I moved to meet her I couldn't help but take in every detail of this last encounter. How her hair moved around her as she turned toward me, the shape of her body, the smoothness of her skin, the warmth of her deep blue eyes – everything was burned into my memory, forever.

Her scent drifted toward me, and the fire in my throat warmed. For once I didn't try to push the bloodlust away. I embraced it, remembering the creature I am – why I was here – what I had to do. This monster, and all others like it, had to be removed from Anna's life for good. This image was what I kept before me as I reached toward the love of my existence.

As I took Anna's bag from her she relaxed for a second. When I reached around her and placed it back into the truck the tension returned. She was so observant, so smart, so beautiful…

No, don't…I chastised myself. This was going to be difficult enough without indulging in my own feelings. I am a monster – and she would die if I stayed.

"Come for a walk with me," I said, suddenly remembering that first day when the bloodlust had nearly won. Sitting in that classroom, my thirst raging as it never had, I'd thought of a thousand ways to kill Anna. Taking her into the woods was one of the first options I'd come up with – how ironic that this would be the way I would be ending my own life. The brief flicker of life I'd found with her…

The heat from her hand wrapped itself around mine as I led her to the trees. Her heart was beating fast, matching the pace of her breathing. I recognized the reaction from long ago – the flight reflex. Even she could see the demon next to her. A fissure began to slowly form in the center of my chest as we slowed, entering the cover of the foliage.

I stopped, within easy sight of the house, and dropped her hand, breaking yet another connection between us. Anna frowned nervously as I gazed at her, diverting my attention momentarily. The words I'd planned to say ran through my mind.

"Okay, let's talk," she said strongly.She had no idea what I was about to do to her.

Inhaling, I started. "Anna, we're leaving." She took a breath, too, but her expression relaxed and my heart sank. This was going to be exceptionally difficult.

"Why now? Another year –" she started.

"Anna, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless." I studied her expression as her brow furrowed in thought. It was as if I was speaking to her in Greek – understanding eluded her. I stared down at her waiting for her mind to grasp what I was saying; waiting for her to realize how I was about to hurt her.

Her eyes changed and her face paled. My stone heart writhed in pain.

"When you saywe–" she whispered and paused.No, don't do it, there has to be a better way, my heart screamed, but I would not be swayed.

"I mean my family and myself," I said mechanically.Not you…

She shook her head, displaying the argument I was expecting. Anna didn't speak as my words slowly penetrated her being. Surprisingly, her expression transformed to relief.

"Okay, I'll come with you." And the argument began. With every word, part of me longed to stay, or to take her away – to some how be with her – just the two of us. But it was my proximity that had put her in so much danger – nearly killing her, how many times was it now? No matter whereshewasIhad to be some where else.

"You can't, Anna. Where we're going,"where I'm going,"it's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me," she said stubbornly. How could I get her to see, to let me go?

"I'm no good for you, Anna," I said firmly.

"Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life."

No, that's wrong… she is the best part, she isallof my life. Always she saw things backwards. Something stirred in the back of my mind – something black and deceitful.

"My world is not for you." And never would be, no matter what Alice saw.

"What happened with Jasper – that was nothing, Elsa! Nothing!"

"You're right." Finally she saw something for what it was. "It was exactly what was to be expected." And would happen again, the next time her blood was spilled in front of me. I cringed at the thought of my lips at her throat, unable to stop myself when she was injured again.

Anna didn't give up, her blushing anger more enticing than her argument. "You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay –"

"As long as that was best for you." But my presence had only brought her more tribulation, more pain.

She winced as she waved her injured arm in frustration. "No!This is about my soul, isn't it?" she yelled. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Elsa. I don't care. You can have my soul. I don't want it without you – it's yours already!" she shouted.

I ripped my eyes from hers, tilting my head down but seeing nothing. How wrong she was – I couldnever take her soul, destroy such a beautiful, perfect spirit. If I could give her mine in return, maybe, but mine had long since made its way to hell. There was no way I would allow her to join me there, no matter how much she begged. That would be worse than watching her die.

Again, she her logic was the reverse of what it should be. She would sacrifice her most precious possession for me, to the one… creature… with absolutely nothing to give in return. If she could only see things the way they truly are… but no. What if I twisted my argument to match her logic?

The blackness in my mind took form, becoming the one lie that would be impossible to sell, even to one as gullible as Anna.I'm no good for you, Anna, I'd said, but she couldn't accept that fact. The reverse was agony for me to even think.You're no good for me…

But how could she possibly believe it? She'd witnessed the rebirth of my being, transforming from a solitary existence into one where I spent every moment possible with her. The evidence was not just emotional, but physical. Esme, Carlisle, evenRoyal had commented on my appearance, the light that Anna instilled in my features. No, she would reject this lie before it left my lips.

But what choice did I have? Arguing with her until she became so exhausted that she fell asleep? The thought of seeing her peaceful, trusting eyes closed again, made my arms ache to hold her. Just hearing her furious voice, her shouts, was nearly more than I could take – it'd been days since she'd said so much to me. But I had to go – she had to be free to live.

Somehow I had to convince Anna I didn't love her. She saw through everything with her superhuman perception – how could I sell such a lie? But if she saw it in reverse, could she finally understand that I was wrong for her, that she deserve so much more? What would I do if it didn't work?

I stared at the ground, taking every feeling, every truth that Anna had instilled in me and locking it away. The hole in my chest ripped open wide, and I let everything that she'd given me disappear into it, finding that nothing remained. I was gone – everything that was Elsa Cullen disappeared with her; all that was left was the cursed stone shell I wore. It was with empty eyes I looked up at her and spoke the heinous words, the greatest lie.

"Anna," her name pierced me, "I don't want you to come with me." I looked at her face, but didn't see her eyes. I couldn't bear to witness the anger that must be there.

She didn't move, though, and stood staring up at me blankly. Her brow creased, as if trying to make sense of such a simple statement. She must be choosing her next argument – she knows that I live for her. How many times had I confessed my love to her in these past months? We spent hardly an hour apart. I hadn't been more than an a few minutes away from her since returning from Phoenix. How can I convince her that all my actions had been meaningless, when in truth they were the first worthwhile things I had in my life?

Her lips began to move. "You…don't…want me?" Her voice was confused – and that shocked me.

"No," was all I could say. I continued to peer at her, not blinking, keeping all my thoughts hidden. She had to see through this lie – how could she believe such a myth? Her expression changed only slightly, but not to the angry disbelief I was expecting.

"Well, that changes things," she said evenly. My heart, hidden away from her ripped in two, and I had to look away. Annadidbelieve me, and that hurt so much more. How easily she accepted the lie that I could just throw her love away. It was as if she was leavingme now.

The argument I'd planned to make shifted slightly in my mind, and a different version of the same words began flowing out of my mouth.

"…I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that," I ended, actually incorporating a small piece of the truth. I was a shameless liar, and I stared at her, heartlessly.

"Don't," she whispered, "Don't do this." Each word speared me.No, don't do this!my heart screamed in agreement. I pushed the words away.She had to live.

"You're not good for me, Anna," I lied again. Her face fell, completely embracing the words.How can you believe me – without you I'mnothing. There has never been anything as good for me as you, my love.

She must live, I argued silently.

She struggled again with her words, starting to speak, but then paused. I waited, barely enduring the torture. Her thoughts would forever remain a mystery to me, and the pain of that realization nearly broke my will.

"If … that's what you want," she said softly.WhatIwant doesn't matter…

She must live.I could only nod in agreement – the pain was too much. Her demeanor changed again, becoming distant. Her hands swayed at her sides, and fear rushed through me at the thought she may faint. There was only one thing more, then I would go.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much." Her face softened for a moment and I could see that she would do anything for me, that she cared that much. Every cell in my body begged me one last time to stop, to wrap my arms around Anna and never let her go.It is all a lie!

My chest began to ache and I had to fight for every breath, carefully concealing the truth from my one and only love.

"Anything," she said, and a hint of strength lay behind the word. I couldn't hide my feelings as I made my last request of her. I gazed deeply into her eyes, willing her to know how much I loved her, how important she was to me. Lost in her perfect blue pools, I had to remind myself to speak

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I commanded.

She nodded weakly, and I knew she understood. Carefully I tried to lock away all the love, all the concern, my whole life, hiding it from her again. Pushing it all away, for without her I was nothing.

But she will live.

I reinforced the lie. "I'm thinking of David, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself – for him."And for me.

"I will," she breathed, nodding her head again. At least she didn't argue this one point.

I owed her my own oath, though it rang hollow, mixed in with all the lies. "And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." As I spoke the words, I tried to brand them into my heart. She deserved nothing less from me.

Anna teetered before me. Again I feared she would faint – if I had to carry her to the house I didn't think my will would hold. My words were gentle, soothing, at least to her. "Don't worry. You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."But not for me…

As if she read my mind she said "And your memories?"

"Well…"

How I wanted to tell her that I would remember every intimate detail of her. Her smell, her touch, every single word she'd ever spoken to me, every look, every smile, every tear, even her unbelievably delicious taste was etched into my memory permanently, never leaving me, always there to haunt me until the end of my days. I couldn't even lie to her – she would see through me in a second.

"…I won't forget. Butmykind…we're very easily distracted." I tried to smile, to convince her, and myself, that it was true. At the moment, I couldn't see how I could possibly avoid thinking of her, of this moment.Gerda,my mind whispered, but the name faded away on the breeze.

Anna'd believed me, believed the outrageous lie, and this was the end. It was finally time to leave. If I stayed any longer I wouldn't ever go. I stepped back, my chest empty but for the pain – a pain I would live with until the end of my existence.

"That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again." As I prepared to turn away, her expression changed to surprise, and it caught me off guard for a second.

"Alice isn't coming back."

It seemed I must continue to torture her, and myself. "No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye." Her face was vacant now – completely empty, just like my spirit.

"Alice is gone?"

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." I struggled to keep Alice's visions of me and Anna happily together from intruding on my mind. That future would disappear now.

Anna was swaying again, her face white, her eyes empty. She took a breath. How I wanted to hold her.

It is time…let her live.

"Goodbye, Anna," I said softly, taking one last, long look at her beautiful face. Before I could move, she stepped toward me.

"Wait!" she croaked, and her hands came up to me.

I trapped her arms, carefully preventing her from reaching out to me, but before I could stop myself I bent down, foolishly touching my lips to her forehead. The electricity I felt whenever I touched her skin had not diminished in these last torturous days, and it flashed through me like lightening in that half second of contact. I savored the warmth, the smell, the feeling of her pulse in my hands and under my lips, and for one more second the sound of her heart. My senses were full of her, and my heart tried again.Don'tdo it! Stay with her, forever… she needs you, she LOVES YOU.

Fighting every instinct I had, I let go. "Take care of yourself," I whispered, trying to keep the sobbing i was doing inside from my voice. turning away before she opened her eyes.

She will live…but the words were empty, as I knew that my life was over. Without her I would only exist, until the day she died. Then I would cease to exist, and there would be peace. There had to be peace…

Without looking back I ran as fast as I could. Each step tore at my flesh, ripping another small piece of my heart away and leaving it behind me. In three of her heartbeats I was standing next to my car.

I listened for her footsteps to cross the lawn, but heard a much more disturbing sound, the fading rustle of leaves. She was trying to follow me.

Anna, don't try and find me…

My eyes turned toward the trees again, my legs begging me to go find her, but with all the strength I could muster I turned the opposite direction and ran into her house. I found a piece of paper and quickly scribbled a note, mimicking her unique handwriting and telling David where to find her in case she got lost. I glanced at the clock as I set the note by the phone. He would be home in minutes to watch the early game; she couldn't go far. He would make sure she was safe.

As I returned to my car, I heard her again, still walking through the greenery. There was nothing left inside me now except pain, and with every sound it deepened. If I stayed another second I wouldn't be able to stand it – I would go to her. And once she was within my grasp I would never let her go.

Quickly I got behind the wheel, barely seeing the road as I drove away for the last time. Her scent clung to the interior of the Volvo, creating a ghostly vision that beckoned me from the passenger seat, begging me to return. Blindly I headed out of town. As the minds of the drivers around me buzzed in the back of my head, I turned off the main road and into the forest. Unaware of exactly where I was, I pulled over, unable to take the torture any longer.

That last glimpse of her face, with her eyes gently closed, was permanently etched into my eyelids, and every time I blinked it appeared before me. There could be no agony worse than this…

But there could be, I reminded myself. Another image filled my mind, one of blood mixed with Anna's beautiful hair, surrounding her broken body. Not a nightmare – a memory. Too many times her life had been endangered by me, by being exposed to my world. It was just a matter of time before she would be injured again, probably fatally. Then she would be gone forever, and it would be my fault.

The pain of that thought brought my hands up to my face as my chest was slashed open and everything inside vanished. As empty as leaving her left me, the idea of her dying literally erased my existence. I forced myself to breathe, to calm down, but the sensation was now permanent. At least without me she would live. She would enjoy a human life, and it would end someday in a human death. Then she would find the paradise I would never see.

Shewill forgetme, I thought, and the pain only increased. The look in her eyes, the easy acceptance of my rejection ripped me again. How could she believe that I could just leave her? I was so prepared for her to fight, to beg, to make it impossible for me to leave, that I was shocked when she didn't. Her love had changed me in innumerable ways; I had assumed that it was the same for her. Had I been wrong all this time?

I tried to breathe, but couldn't. Every thought that crossed my mind only caused more hurt. Even as I tried to think about how much better off Anna was without the danger my world posed, I found no comfort. As she moved forward with her life, mine ceased. There was nothing for me now,nothing…

The silent torture was broken by the vibration of my phone lying in the cup holder. I lowered my hands and picked it up, trying to decide if this was really a distraction or if it would only amplify the pain. Finally I looked at the caller ID, expecting it to be Alice. I was mildly surprised that it wasn't.

"Yes, Carlisle," I said softly. My breath was ragged as I fought to get enough air to speak.

"You've spoken to her," he said, matching my tone. He fell silent, waiting.

"Yes," I sobbed, tearlessly. How such a small word could carry so much sadness. My throat closed, and I couldn't speak anymore. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't see anymore.

"Stay where you are," he said, and the line went dead.

Alice had told him where I was. My hand moved to the key, preparing to go, but I still hadn't found my senses. Part of me longed for my father's company, just for a little while, but my pain was not his, nor should it be.

Slowly I managed a breath. He deserved a real goodbye. I straightened up and rubbed my face, trying to erase some of the sadness. My emotions could not be locked away again; Anna had the only part of me that allowed that – my heart.

Please wait, Elsa, we are almost there,Carlisle's thoughts intruded.

Please Elsa…and Esme's. My head fell against the steering wheel at the thought of facing my mother – she would be nearly as hard to say goodbye to as Anna.

Again I reached for the key, trying to find the strength to run from them, but by that time a familiar black car pulled behind mine and stopped. I forced another uneven breath, then grabbed the black leather bag next to me and deliberately opened my door. The ghost of Anna smiled at me, sitting next to the letter I'd promised to mail. The apparition remained in the car when I got out. I stood, waiting, my eyes glued to the ground.

Esme reached me first, not allowing me to take even a step toward her. She wrapped her arms around me and put her head on my chest.

I'm sorry, Elsa… We love you… Please don't go…the thoughts repeated over and over in her mind as she held me tight. I loved her so much, my mother, and I returned her hug, resting my cheek against her hair.

"You know I have to go. I'll keep in touch, I promise," I whispered.

She shook her head and didn't move.

I finally dropped my arms, but she refused to let go, and I was afraid that I would have to repeat the scene I'd just suffered through with Anna. Thankfully Carlisle interceded.

"Esme, we have to let Elsa choose her own path," he said gently as he broke her hold on me. His thoughts carefully mirrored his words, though there was something more…

Esme finally released me, but then pulled my face down to hers and kissed me on the cheek. "Remember thatwelove you, too. Please come home soon," she begged.

"I love you, Mom," I said hoarsely. I glanced in her eyes for a moment, but when my lip began to tremble I turned away, staring into the darkening trees.

She stepped back, and Carlisle held her for a moment, trying to comfort her without betraying his own sadness. Esme then trudged back to the car, and I reluctantly looked at my father.

I must ask you one last time, is this the only way?He studied my face, unable to hide his own sadness any longer.

I tried to swallow the lump that filled my throat. He meant the words only as a confirmation, yet they hit me hard, tempting me again. One more opportunity to turn back…

"Yes, it is," I said firmly, looking away again.

The temptation increased as Carlisle remembered Alice's description of the vision that no longer existed, and the image I'd seen in her mind returned. I had my arms wrapped around a white-clad Anna as I leaned down to kiss her. A future that Alice still believed in.

In my mind the white transformed into the soft pile carpet in what used to be my home, and the red of her lips became a bloody pool surrounding her creamy skin. I set my jaw at the sight. Alice's version of the future was far from perfect, and there would be no more mistakes.

"A lot can happen between now and then," I snapped as my eyes came up to meet his. Regret filled me immediately. "I'm sorry, Carlisle. It has to be this way. I love her too much, and the danger is too great."Please understand, I thought.

I inhaled again, but the breath did not fill me. Suddenly I remembered that my hand wasn't empty. "There is one thing you could do for me, though." I held out my keys. "Could you please mail the card in the front seat? It's a letter from Anna… to her mother." My throat closed on her name as the sound of it speared me. Carlisle carefully took the keys with a nod. He gazed into my face, worried.

Where will you go? Our family is incomplete without you, Elsa.My sadness was now mirrored in his eyes, and drove the pain into my chest again. I couldn't stay and torture them, too.

"I'm going to kill Gerda." The name changed part of the sadness to hate as I saw the black-head's face flash through my mother's mind. She was listening intently to my every word. "She cannot be allowed to pose a threat to anyone, let alone Anna."

Carlisle studied my expression and briefly considered offering to come with me. Before I could protest he thought of Esme and changed his mind. He put his hands on my shoulders.

Be safe, sweetheart. I love you,he thought as he then put his arms around me and hugged me goodbye.

My voice came out as a croak. "I love you too, Dad."

He stepped back, and without another glance I turned and ran into the forest. Both Carlisle and Esme's thoughts were filled with sadness and love as they watched me disappear.

The cold, moist air whipped through my hair as I ran, but it did nothing to calm me. It only reminded me of the empty maw that was my chest. Unable to cry, unable to sleep, unable to forget – now I knew that I was truly damned. For she was human she could escape the pain for a little while i however could not. And because she was human shed get over me. I however would continue to love her and feel her loss for eternity.

Only one thought could distract me, and as the trees blurred around me, the words I'd seen on my computer screen briefly obscured the image of Anna in my mind.

Hiker Found Mauled on Trail near Billings, screamed the headline. Gerda was hunting…


End file.
